Dreamers deal with life's changes

There are so many changes lately.  Sam can't sleep.  Which means I can't sleep.  And yet we're doing amazingly well not being cranky with each other.

Last night, he looked at me and asked about going to bed early.  We're talking 10:30pm.  For us, that's early.  And exhausted as I was, I gladly agreed to go.

It takes me a bit to settle in, find a comfortable position.  And Sam is incredibly patient, even though I'm blocking the television and keeping us up.  He doesn't settle in until I do.

At about 1am, I woke to him leaving the room.  And he didn't come back until 4am.  I checked on him once.  He was asleep on the couch.  And my need to have him sleeping close made me want to climb over his legs and join him, but I decided to let him sleep.

When he finally came back to bed, I snuggled against him and simply breathed, "I missed you," against his chest.  And that was the last we spoke until I urged him to turn off the alarm at 7am.

Later, however, we discussed that he isn't sleeping well...and its impact on the rest of us.

We agreed that he may need to consider taking some sleeping pills.  He can't turn off his mind so that he can really rest.  And that's a problem.  And we talked about the fact that the room is hot and I am hot and it makes him feel like he's boiling...so we're problem solving some solutions for that, too.

Somehow, we'll get this all worked out.  In the meantime, I am working as hard and as fast as I can to get it all together.  I think the ebb in money stresses will help greatly.  And I think he worries some over the pregnancy.  Maybe more than some.  All I know is that the baby is still kicking, and so am I.

Dreamers keep their chins up

I read a post from Jolene the other day.  She was writing about how it makes her nervous to be so happy.  She keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Some people don't understand that concept.  Ah, but I am all too familiar with it.  Whenever I get really happy and excited about something, I have a tendency to pause for a moment.  Loss is all too common in my life.

Through the years, I have lost so many people close to me.  For a long time, my life felt like a string of funerals.  Some people never know how to act or react in those situations, but I know all too well.  I spoke at both of my maternal grandparents funerals.  I couldn't help myself.  Right now, I'm maintaining multiple blogs.  Clearly, I have a lot to say.

So, when everything seems to be falling into place, I get a bit nervous.  I almost feel better when something begins to go wrong...that eventuality I am always prepared for.

Wednesday morning was no different.

We woke up, we prepared for the day.  For Sam, this means a shower.  For me, it means that I get into workout clothes and head out to the living room to write all my posts.  Then, once Sam no longer needs me before heading out the door, I go for my walk.  I come home, eat, read blogs, shower, eat again, and get settled in to an afternoon of writing...and running errands.  There are always errands.

Only, Sam was called with a siding job to be done immediately.  And he had to finish yesterday's job.  And he had to fix a (yeah, I still don't know what the thing is called...diverter or something?).  And he had an estimate to run after all of that was done.

On the one hand, yay!  I get to write almost uninterrupted.  On the other hand, all of his guys were MIA, so that created a whole new set of challenges.  He was calling everyone he knew and trusted to help him accomplish everything that needed to be done.  He needed my help to get it all together.

And that's why my day started later than I planned.  And my work load grew.  I still went on my walk.  I still bathed.  Of course.  And I wasn't going to give up on eating.  Guess this means no nap for me.  No matter how tired I get, no nap today.  There's too much to do.

It's okay.  I just have to get everything done by Friday.  I have left next week for cleaning and wedding planning and what little cooking I plan on doing.  (Um, not much.)

I've learned not to panic.  These things have a way of working themselves out.  A clear head goes a long way to making it through.  And simply plugging along means that the job will get done some way, somehow.

Chin up.  It's not so bad.