Dreamers do what they have to for their dreams to come true

Sam is stressing.

I know Sam is stressing.  I can tell Sam is stressing.  When he stresses, all he does is find fault with me.  And while I'm not perfect, I'm pretty awesome.  And given my pregnancy hormones, I'm not able to shake it all off like I normally would.

We've had a few conversations about how the hormones are affecting me, how pregnancy has turned my brain into swiss cheese.  We have discussed that he shouldn't simply tell me stuff when I have no place to write it down because I genuinely forget it.  We have even talked about how he has to bring his needs and wants to me before say....8pm.

But that hasn't been happening lately.  And I've been frustrated.

Take the other night when at nearly 10pm he decided he wanted the door hangers to have the address for the house he was doing the NEXT MORNING.  Yeah.  I was not pleased.

It resulted in a lecture about how I was supposed to be on top of things and that this is why he had me quit my job...oh, and my favorite part, that I wasn't living up to my end of the bargain.  Really?

It's because of my efforts that we have door hangers and personalized Visa gift cards to give as a referral gift and that all our books are together and online.  I'm the one who talks to the bulk of the companies we deal with and handles the emails and insurance and all the other unpleasantness.  Yes, he has a lot to cope with, but I do, too.  Dammit.  And I'm having trouble maintaining my Susie Sunshine at the moment.

The door hangers were modified and we stuck the labels on 210 of them last night.  They look good.  It was a good idea.  It's also an idea that should have been dealt with before 10pm.  We're developing our protocol.  It won't happen again because now I know what he wants and how he wants things done in that department.  Oh, but last night was rough.

And today isn't looking much better.  I have to drive about an hour each way to see one of our homeowners, pick up our signs and drop off her gift card.  She said some very nice things about us online.

Today I have to fight with the insurance company who is trying to overcharge us for workman's comp and liability.  It's going to get ugly.  I heard how the agent was speaking to Sam on the phone and I'm ready.  I've rolled up my sleeves, gathered my documentation, and I'm prepared to let him have it, if necessary.

And I'm working on finding us some sponsorship.  The local Fox network wants to help us with marketing...TV commercials.  They even want to use Bishop.  Of course.  So, we're trying to scrape together the money to make that happen.  It could be good for branding and building the company.

These stressful times will one day seem a bad and distant memory.  I have to believe that's true.  And all my hard work and all the challenges we face are only going to make us stronger, make the company all the more worthwhile and make our victories taste sweeter.

I'm ready already.  And in the meantime I'll take all the suggestions and help I can get.

Dreamers don't let external forces bring them down

Nope.  They sure don't.

See, I live a public life.  Mostly.  And there are those that are close to me that don't read me.  I like that.  It gives us something to talk about in real life.  And there are those who should be close to me, but only communicate by reading me and the occasional comment, but don't speak to me.  I don't like that.  It doesn't give them the truest sense of my life.

That's what I'm suffering through at the moment.

I expect to be judged.  I put myself out there.  I share my successes.  I report on my failures.  I struggled to stay focused and positive.

Ah, but there are these moments.  You know the ones I'm talking about.  There are moments when someone says something that just brings you down.

Or maybe it's just me.  What?  You, too?  Good.  So, I'm not alone.

And yet at the moment, I'm trying to dispel the dark cloud that is raging over my head.  So, I write.

This is what I've come up with.

I can't let others have that much control over my mood.  It doesn't matter what someone thinks if they don't know the entire story and haven't sought me out to understand the situation.  And someone who doesn't try to be a part of my life...really doesn't matter.  What that person thinks...doesn't matter.  What that person writes...doesn't matter.

I give credence to those that know me and want to know me, to those that talk and listen, to those that interact and stay in touch.

My life is too big.  I have too much going on to let my mood be altered by external forces.  I'm smarter than that.  I'm stronger than that.  And gosh golly, I deserve better than that.

So, I'm brushing it off.  I'm shaking it off.  I'm moving forward because I don't have time to be stagnant and dwell on a bunch of negativity.  Good big things are happening.  And that's what deserves my energy and enthusiasm.