Dreamers don't deny it

Or at least...I don't.

Yeah, I'm a year older. And I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about it. My age has been such an area of contention through the years with Sam. He never expected to fall for an older woman, especially an older woman with two kids. Yet here we are.

So, I suppose people expected that I would start denying my age. I'm not. I don't need to.

The other day, Sam mentioned that he had spoken with another woman my age who was a friend's wife and she has a lot of lines around her face already.

Sam: See, babe. You're holding up really well.

Yeah. I know this. I've been telling him this for so long that it's about time for him to catch on.

And I've noticed lately how things have changed. He has stopped comparing me to others. He has stopped wondering if he should be with someone else due to factors that can't be changed. He is embracing our relationship in a way that has never happened before.

There's no denying that everything has changed in the best way possible. There is no denying that we are on the right path. There is no denying that we have a big future. There is no denying that it is time to dream bigger...together.

Our ten year plan has expanded to a thirty year plan. He has promised me thirty years. And I want all of them and more. There's no denying my feelings for him and my hopes that all of these plans come to fruition.

What are you dreaming these days?

Dreamers support one another

It's clear that I have become Rachel's new project. She can't wait for me to move. She can't wait for us to get our fresh start.

Yes, us. OUR fresh start. My kids are coming home. They don't want me to dream alone. They even mentioned a little something about missing me. And I think they hate how much time they spend alone. I get invited over to their father's house with alarming regularity.

So, we have a plan to work on. We're looking for furniture for the new place...the one I don't have yet. We're looking for a bed most of all.

Rumor has it, if I end up where I want to end up, I'll be getting a built in washer and dryer and a microwave. So, that would be one huge problem solved. I don't want to have to deal with buying and moving a washer and dryer. Too much work.

Ah, but the bed. This is something we're really excited about. I've never bought my own bed before. My very own bed. I feel so big. And I only had to wait 38 years for it. Seriously.

I know what I like...mostly. I know what I want...almost exactly. I'll get it...eventually.

Thus, bed shopping and apartment hunting will begin. We have a plan. And Rachel is so excited that she's started bookmarking furniture that she likes and thinks will be perfect for us. We'll see. There's a lot to consider, first and foremost...money. And I need mine to hold out for as long as possible. I've got no safety net. It's all on me.

Sometimes, I think I should be more scared than I am, but I know I can do this. I've done this before. I've got this. I have to. I have two kids depending on me. And I'm so glad that I do. They are my heart and my strength, my inspiration.

We have a good life. Well, we did before. And we will again. Together.