Dreamers push through the past

It's strange.  I read through one of T's posts the other day and it pulled up so may of the same issues I am currently struggling with.

From the moment Sam and I started dating, he had me convinced he was different from my ex-husband.  And I mostly still am convinced even if he has had a few slips.  We all have issues to work through from our past.

And here's mine...rearing its ugly head again.

Tonight is Sam's Bachelor Party.


My ex-husband didn't have a Bachelor Party.  Of course, my ex thought he was a bachelor our entire marriage.  Maybe the  bachelor party is supposed to be for them to accept that their time of dating anyone other than their wife is over.  Maybe that is the true purpose of the bachelor party.

All I know for sure is that I'm struggling to be happy about this particular rite of passage.  And Sam wants me to be happy for him.  He's really excited about the wedding.  And he's really excited about everything that goes along with it.  I've loved his participation and enthusiasm.  I'm trying to love his Bachelor Party.

And you can try to say that I am overreacting because they are merely going to Hooters with the guys for wings and ta-tas, but I'm not.  Not only do I have a long sordid history with that sorry excuse for a restaurant, but I also have a history of Sam and Ed out and alone to cope with.

Last fall, just about this time, Sam went to a Panther Pre-Season game with Lonnie and some of the guys.  I was supposed to hang out with Lindsay and have a Girl's Night, but she was bit by a spider and ended up really sick.  So, instead I had and Nicki and Bishop night.  It wasn't the same, but I was happy.  I ate some sushi.  I watched a bunch of shows.

The night grew later and I grew tenser.  And when he returned...he was wasted.  Oh, and he hadn't seen the bulk of the game.  Ed, who had gone to the game with his wife and daughter, left them to go hang out with Sam.  Guess my man is just that cool.  All I know is dumping your wife and child at a game to go bar hopping with the guy across the street is not cool.  And I was not cool with any of it.

That was my argument against guy time.

Sure, you call this one isolated incident.  It isn't.  There was the night he went to the Panther Pre-Season Football game with a now former friend.  It was guy's night.  I'm beginning to think guy's night is an excuse to be stupid, it is synonymous with Bachelor Party.  So, he ended up going to the game, where they all over drank.  And then they decided to spar.  That's not uncommon.  Oh, but that his former buddy decided to punch him in the mouth was.

Sam's tooth went through his lip.  He needed and refused stitches.  He needed and accepted antibiotics.  He needed and didn't receive pain meds.

Right about now I'm sure you are thinking that maybe it's the football that's the problem.  I doubt that.  I'm thinking alcohol and testosterone.

I'm the voice of reason.  I'm the one who keeps everything balanced and keeps him from doing stupid crazy stuff.  Without me, he just makes bad decisions.

Still, I have to let go.  I have to trust him.  I already had a man that needed me to mommy him.  If I want things to work, I can't marry another man who needs to be mommied.  And I love that he's my partner, not my child.  I love that we support each other.  I love that we're a team.

So, I let go of these incidents and I let go of the fear.  And I let him go and have a good time.  He loves me.  He wants to keep me.  And he won't dare do anything to ruin that.  He really does want to marry me and have forever with me.

I'll love him through it, just like he's loving me through my fears.  That's what we do.

Dreamers know perseverance pays off

This will be the ceremony backdrop.  Nice, huh?

I'm going to call it perseverance anyway.  It sounds so much prettier than calling it what it was.

Yeah.  I was the squeaky wheel.

For nearly two weeks I've been calling to try to set a location for our wedding.  We had hoped to marry in the fire circle near the cabin.  The stone arch spoke to Sam.  And I wanted him to be happy.

I keep saying this and I think people are shocked, but it's true.  I'm getting my dream man and my dream marriage.  I'll let him weigh in on his idea of a dream wedding.

After three years, I know what he wants.  I know what he likes.  And he deserved to have it.

So, I suggested the destination wedding.  I suggested the location to be one that was special to us.  And if he wanted us to marry in the fire circle, so be it.

On the other hand...I love the water.  I have always dreamed of marrying outside near the water.  And that's why when we couldn't get the fire circle, I immediately thought of the marina.

There's a lovely covered section there, that is part of the dock.  And Sam wouldn't have to worry about overexposure to the sun.  Gingers have to consider these things.  And those that love gingers would be good to consider it as well.

Also, since it is covered and outdoors, we are good to have the ceremony there no matter what the weather holds.  I wouldn't mind at all if there were thunderstorms.  That would make for some fantastic pictures.

All I know is that I can relax completely.  Clearly, I wasn't too stressed to begin with.  Now...even less.

And all it took was yet another phone call.  This time I called the operator back when I didn't get even the voice mail.  Finally, she located the man I needed to speak with on property.  He offered to call me back unless I wanted to hold.  Oh, and I did.  So, I held.

Once again, the determined bride gets her dream venue.  And this is the best part.  Guess how much it costs me?  No really.  Guess!

I only have to pay $1 for each chair that I need set up.  It doesn't get better or less expensive than this.

Dreamers have a back up plan

For a week and a half, I have been trying to get in touch with the guy in charge of catering and banquets at Fontana Village.  We decided that was where we wanted to hold the wedding nearly a month ago.  And most of the kins are worked out except for this little itty bitty sticking point.

We have no idea where we are going to hold the wedding.  Oh, that.

Our original thought was that we'd hold it at the lovely stone circle with a pretty stone archway.  I had no idea it was a rentable venue.  Oh, but it is.  And someone else has already decided it would be the perfect spot for their nuptials.

I didn't discover this fact through email.  I received a message on my voice mail the one time that the guy actually called me back.  And I think that is one of the main reasons I am taking such offense.

I'm not used to being ignored.  And if he's not ignoring me, it sure does feel that way.  Part of me wants to leave a 'Don't make me come up there' message.  Part of me wants to cancel and go somewhere that I can get someone to work with me.  And the calmer rational part of me thinks that there's plenty of time.  This will all work out.

I know.  That's a lot of parts.  What can I say?  I'm complex.

So this has become a study in patience.  It has become a situation for me to exercise my problem solving skills.  And that's what I'm doing.

We have back up plans.  One of them is bound to work out.  If we can get the location at the marina, maybe we'll incorporate a pebble ceremony into the wedding.  For those of you not familiar, that's where all the friends and family throw pebbles into the water while thinking happy thoughts for us.

If I believe in anything, it's the power of positive thinking.

Just last Labor Day when we were up there, we saw an incredible amount of shooting stars.  And I laid there and wished on every one.  Did I mention that all those wishes are coming true?  The very last one will be on September 10, 2011 when Sam and I finally commit to forever in the most tangible way possible.

I just wish you could all be there...wherever we end up.

Dreamers are hands on

We have been working on planning the ceremony, getting the details together.

It's a lot of work.  Seriously.  There are so many details to keep in mind.  I know why people hire wedding planners.  If you can afford to have someone handle all this, I highly recommend it.

Of course, if you are like me and very hands on, you wouldn't want to hire a planner anyway.  You'd be convinced of your ability to plan a wedding, even in a very short period of time, and you would be completely dissatisfied with the possibility of leaving anything as important as a wedding in someone else's hands.

Yeah.  So, we're doing all the planning.  Ourselves.  And I wanted to make our own cords, but I'm not entirely sure it is cost effective.  And I'm also not sure that I have the time required to make this happen.  See, first I have to locate the materials.  Since I've already take a few rides to different stores and searched the internet for the materials, I'm thinking this isn't as easy as it sounds.  Thus far I have wasted time and gas.  That's before we even get to the time to make something I've never made before.

Despite the fact that I'm a big believer in making things with love, this time, I'm going to have order cords with love.  And the hand making part will be done by a woman who owns an Etsy shop.  I love Etsy!  So, I've been researching my options.  I needed something that Sam would like.  I wanted something that would incorporate Sam's family colors.  And by George, I think I've got it!

If all goes well.  Fingers crossed.  There will be pictures.  I can't wait.