Dreamers get it together eventually

Or at least I seem to.

I spent Sunday, before helping Priscilla, working on researching a project that I'm toying with.  I finally figured out how I want to revamp Rentable Me and I've hit nothing but walls since.  And I hate hitting walls.  I always believe that there is a way over them or around them or through them.  I'm hard headed like that.

And so, it has been a bit frustrating.

Then Sam and I had a big talk last night, while I was sitting in his lap.  Yes, we do that once in a while.  Apparently my seat across the screen porch was simply too far away, so he turned me around and hauled me into his lap.

It was a revealing conversation.  He is more comfortable talking when we're close and he can't see my face.  So he told me things he's never told me before and things he's never told anyone...and things I'm not going to tell you.  Sorry.  Spousal privilege.

One thing that he did tell me rather surprised me.

While he expects great things from the business, expects to fully be able to support the family, he feels that if there is going to be a big bread winner, it's going to be me and my writing, me and my ventures.

No pressure.

Only, I don't feel pressured.  It was strange.  Instead, I felt determined.  I had to make this happen.  I had to make this work.  And in some ways, I just knew how to.  I instinctively knew what to do to complete some of the tasks I have at hand.  I'm going to have to beg Meredith for a Skype talk.  I like running things by her.  She gives great advice.  And I'm going to do what I said I was going to do.

November is National Novel Writing Month: NaNoWriMo.  And I have been off to a horrible start.  Except that after last night's discussion, this morning, it was easy.  I have been writing away.  I have been alive and alert and well.

I feel strong and confident and in control.  I've got this.  November is my big kick off month.  2012 is promising to be my biggest year yet.  I can do it.  I must.

So, tell me what you are going to do to prepare for the coming year.  Tell me what amazing plans you have for your future.  And I'll be sure to share mine as soon as humanly possible.

Dreamers recognize a kickstart

Admittedly when Sam gave me the opportunity to quit my job, I didn't hesitate. I jumped right in with both feet, pretty much the same way I do everything. I'm a big believer in 'Leap and the net will appear.'

So, I turned in my two weeks notice, pretty much before we really discussed some of the logistics. I didn't walk into it completely blind. I think our conversation went something like this.

Sam: How much money do you need to earn a month to pay your bills?

Now that's kind of vague. So, I answered the best I could, taking into account the insurance and credit card bill, that kind of thing. It was a manageable number.

Sam: Are you earning that yet with your writing?

me: Yup.

And we both breathed a sigh of relief. And I quit my job. And he added me to his accounts. And I didn't start touching them until last week...mostly business related purchases...a little gas for my vehicle...some groceries for the house.

Last night, my errands earned me a lecture.

Sam: We need to talk about your spending habit?

me: I have a spending habit?

Sam: You spend a lot more money now.

It's true and it's not. Part of it is that he never knew how much I was spending on groceries because I bought them from my account. The other part is that I am filling the tank now instead of only putting $20 in at a time. In my defense, he told me to. He hates getting into my vehicle and always finding it on empty.

By the end of the discussion, it was determined that I needed to earn more money, contribute more because he's concerned about winter. There's more involved, of course, but I don't have the time to get into it now.

All I can tell you is that it ended my night in a funk and a panic as I calculated all the things that I would need to have, that the kids would need. It seemed hopeless. It seemed like I should give up my dream and hurry up and find another dead end job. I was quiet. That's me in a panic. I turn introspective.

Sam: Baby, I can see you worrying about getting a job. Don't. You can do this.

But for some reason, I had lost faith.

We went to bed last night and he held me, same as always, only better. He waited to see how I would be comfortable and melded to me. It was lovely.

Somehow, I woke up this morning with an epiphany. He was right. I already had everything in place to do this. And I was as excited and giddy as Twix, the neighbor's puppy, while I waited for him to wake up so I could share.

me: Thank you.

And I planted a kiss on that spot that my head fits perfectly in on the center of his chest as I hugged him close.

Sam: Why are you thanking me?

me: You did it again. You gave me that nudge I needed to make a change. You always know how to push me before I get too comfortable. I've got a plan. I figured it out. I can keep my dream and make the money.

I really have. And I really was getting too comfortable. And I really do appreciate him.

Sometimes dreamers just need that extra push...

Dreamers make the best cheerleaders

We do! And let me tell you why I think that is.

I think people who don't dream have very small lives. I think that instead of being happy for others and for their accomplishments, they tend to get bitter and ugly. They feel like life is passing them by. They see things others have that they want, but can't figure out how to attain. And those people turn into doubters. They are dream killers. They did, after all, kill their own dreams first.

Ah, but then there are we dreamers.

I live to cheer others on. Know why? It doesn't take anything away from me and my dreams. In fact, the more I see others being successful and happy, the more certain I become that the same can be true for me. I can be successful and happy.

Some would suggest that I already am successful. I know that I'm already happy.

The newness hasn't worn off yet. Not even close. The excitement about this fantastic life I'm having, still sparkly and shiny.

I read a post today on the Putrid Princess blog. She created a Bucket List. There's a lot of that going around. And she shared all the wonderful experiences that she still wanted to have, all the amazing places she wanted to visit.

Suddenly, I felt so spoiled. So much of what she wanted to do, I have already done and experienced. She wants to go to an aquarium. I've been to lots of aquariums, including the largest one in North America, second largest in the world. I love the Georgia Aquarium.

She wants to travel through Europe. I've already been to France and Italy. I've seen the best of it, as far as I'm concerned. There are places I still want to visit across the pond, like Ireland and Greece. Still, I can claim having spent time in Europe. 10 whole days.

She wants to see the Grand Canyon. I saw it from the sky when I went to California last summer. Thank you, Yahoo! It's incredible from up above. Some day, I'll see it from the ground.

All I know is that I've already had a really big, really great life. I have tons of plans for the coming year and for the future, but mostly...I don't have a Bucket List because I don't feel like there's anything I would really feel like I missed if I kicked the bucket immediately.

So, I cheer everyone else. I cheer on Krys with her big super secret plans. I cheer on Meredith as she works to carve out her place in the freelance world. I cheer for Jolene who has mastered working from home and finding true love. I cheer for Lisa as she starts over. I cheer for Becky as she struggles with infertility and fibromyalgia. I cheer for T, who is always so balanced and well-adjusted, the rock of our little family. I pretty much wish nothing but the best for everyone I come in contact with.

Have the best life you can. Live big. Dream big. And love with your whole heart.

Dreamers dive in

Thursday is my first day working for myself. And Sam.

Some people have asked if I will be taking some time off, a little vacation before I get to work. These people clearly do not know me. Nope.

This dreamer dives right in.

I have to. Winter isn't so far away. And with winter comes an enviable lack of work. For Sam. For me, always the same amount of work...sometimes more.

I have to be in a position to stack back money or be steady through the winter. I never want to ever have to work for someone else again. Nope. I want to be the boss of me.

That's why I already have a meeting set up for Thursday. Yes, 10am Thursday morning will see me at Starbuck's near Trader Joe's meeting with a man that was a patient. He's someone I hope to do business with.

See, I'm always looking for areas to expand my writing. And one of those ways is in the travel forum. I've traveled a lot. I plan to travel more. And if I can make these experiences lucrative...all the better. That's where he comes in. Partially.

There's no time for me to take it easy yet. Ah, but if life keeps going the way I plan, then it won't feel like I'm working at all. Fingers crossed. I'm so excited to get going. These last few days of work are killing me. I'm ready to burst out into the world and soar.

Thursday. Soon enough. Almost there.

Dreamers find a focus

I can only handle so much change at any given time. I'm weak like that. I can only take on so much before I break. And that's where I've been.

Sam noticed. I was surprised at how observant he was, but he definitely noticed. Shoot. It couldn't be missed. For the past few weeks, I've struggled to even maintain the blogs, forget about getting ahead with any more writing.

Sam: Babe? You aren't on the front page any more?

For months I have had at least one article, sometimes multiple articles listed in the top ten on YourWisdom. Ever since I started writing for them eight months ago. Only now, I'm not.

Sam: What's going on?

me: You know what's going on. I haven't been able to write.

Sam: Things are better. You need to get back in the writing mindset.

And he was right. So now I write.

I have to. My projects are stacking up. My commitments are coming due. And I'm so ready to get back to working towards my dreams, to achieving my goals, to building for the future.

I wish I were better at it. All I know is that sometimes, dreamers need to shake it off and find a focus. Yeah, do as I say, not as I do. Or...not as I did. Because I'm doing it now. Now...it's on. I'm writing. It gets easier and better every day.

Dreamers follow their passion

I've been working on promoting my novels. It's a lot of work. I must love it, though, or I wouldn't be so determined to do it.

That's the thing about doing what you love. When you're working on it, no matter how hard, no matter the struggles, it's worth the work. And it doesn't feel like work. It's exciting.

So, I have been working with Business2Blogger for a while now. I have participated in several of their campaigns. I was always the blogger.

Now, I'm on the other side of the coin. Now, I'm working as the company. Yes, I have an author campaign running. I have hired a few bloggers to read my novels, write about them. and then host giveaways of the novels on their sites.

As a blogger, I know how much our words mean. I know how much our opinions matter. And that's why I'm eager to work with them. Make that...really eager.

The results will take some time to truly be noticed. I guess I need to look for some online book clubs next. I am determined to get this thing going. I need to have the time to write. It's my passion. And if there's anything dreamers do, it's follow their passion.

Where's your passion? Are you following it? Never stop chasing your dreams.

Dreamers see inspiration everywhere

We have to.

It takes a lot to sustain dreams.

So, it's no wonder that I found this fantastic little quote on Twitter to keep me going the other morning:

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
-Henry David Thoreau

Yeah. It was perfect. It could become my new mantra.

That's precisely what I'm doing. I'm moving forward with my biggest dream: being a successful author. After just a few days, it's a start. I started work with a company today that will help me find bloggers to promote the books. We know how important that is. And I'm working on learning how to market myself and the books better.

I don't have enough reach yet. It's improving, constantly, but still. I have a lot to learn and a long way to go.

On the bright side, I have time. I have nothing but time to myself most evenings. I get to work whenever I want with only a few furry distractions. I get to go to bed when I want and get up when I want. I get to be as loud as I want, stumbling around in the dark. Life is good. I'm happier.

Sure, there are moments of weakness, but they are brief. And I have to allow myself time to grieve for the life I no longer am going to have. At the same time, I now have the freedom to create a better life, a bigger life. I don't have anyone holding me back. And when I finally find someone to share my life with, he won't be the kind of guy to hold me back, either. He'll offer me love and support, just like all the heroes in my books.

For now, I'll get lost in my writing. I'll keep dreaming my big dreams. I'll seek out inspiration and spend time with inspiring people. I see so much good in people, in my life, in my future. And I know I'm blessed to have so many wonderful individuals to share my life with.

Where do you find your inspiration?