Dreamers recognize a kickstart

Admittedly when Sam gave me the opportunity to quit my job, I didn't hesitate. I jumped right in with both feet, pretty much the same way I do everything. I'm a big believer in 'Leap and the net will appear.'

So, I turned in my two weeks notice, pretty much before we really discussed some of the logistics. I didn't walk into it completely blind. I think our conversation went something like this.

Sam: How much money do you need to earn a month to pay your bills?

Now that's kind of vague. So, I answered the best I could, taking into account the insurance and credit card bill, that kind of thing. It was a manageable number.

Sam: Are you earning that yet with your writing?

me: Yup.

And we both breathed a sigh of relief. And I quit my job. And he added me to his accounts. And I didn't start touching them until last week...mostly business related purchases...a little gas for my vehicle...some groceries for the house.

Last night, my errands earned me a lecture.

Sam: We need to talk about your spending habit?

me: I have a spending habit?

Sam: You spend a lot more money now.

It's true and it's not. Part of it is that he never knew how much I was spending on groceries because I bought them from my account. The other part is that I am filling the tank now instead of only putting $20 in at a time. In my defense, he told me to. He hates getting into my vehicle and always finding it on empty.

By the end of the discussion, it was determined that I needed to earn more money, contribute more because he's concerned about winter. There's more involved, of course, but I don't have the time to get into it now.

All I can tell you is that it ended my night in a funk and a panic as I calculated all the things that I would need to have, that the kids would need. It seemed hopeless. It seemed like I should give up my dream and hurry up and find another dead end job. I was quiet. That's me in a panic. I turn introspective.

Sam: Baby, I can see you worrying about getting a job. Don't. You can do this.

But for some reason, I had lost faith.

We went to bed last night and he held me, same as always, only better. He waited to see how I would be comfortable and melded to me. It was lovely.

Somehow, I woke up this morning with an epiphany. He was right. I already had everything in place to do this. And I was as excited and giddy as Twix, the neighbor's puppy, while I waited for him to wake up so I could share.

me: Thank you.

And I planted a kiss on that spot that my head fits perfectly in on the center of his chest as I hugged him close.

Sam: Why are you thanking me?

me: You did it again. You gave me that nudge I needed to make a change. You always know how to push me before I get too comfortable. I've got a plan. I figured it out. I can keep my dream and make the money.

I really have. And I really was getting too comfortable. And I really do appreciate him.

Sometimes dreamers just need that extra push...