Dreamers keep their word

...as best we can.

Lately, I have been dealing with extenuating circumstances left and right. I have all these plans to finish my assignment by 7pm tonight. It was a self-imposed deadline...mostly. My guru wanted to know when the articles would be ready.

me: 7pm Tuesday.

I don't know what made me say that. I think I have an overinflated sense of my abilities. Or maybe I underestimated the many ways that I could be distracted and kept from working. That's it.

See, I soon found out that Rachel was going to need to stay over, even though she wasn't supposed to be on account of the bathroom is getting remodeled...still. It was an agreement with her father that they would stay with him until it was done. It's simply too difficult to manage that many people sharing one bathroom when the bathroom in question is in the master bedroom.

So, after we made that agreement, Rachel's been here almost every night. And since she works almost every day, I spend a lot of time driving her around. It sucks an hour out of my day each way.

Add to that the errands I now have to run for the company...well, I better write my little fingers to the nubbins tonight because my availability tomorrow is disappearing FAST. There's a bank run and a check drop off and a Lowe's run that all promise to occupy me for a good two to three hours, depending upon traffic. Stupid traffic.

Still, I have to deliver. I have to keep my word. I can't let my guru down...not when he is my biggest employer other than Sam. Think of me.

Dreamers have vision

That's right. And I spend a lot of time using that to envision the life we're building.

Sometimes, the envisioning is easy. I can totally picture the new bathroom. And I'm ridiculously excited about it. I know it may seem silly, but we've been sharing our bathroom with the kids for at least a year now. It's too much. I have to orchestrate showers and bathroom time with military precision or our little house of cards comes crumbling down.

Sometimes the envisioning is more challenging. I'm having trouble envisioning the completed wall and flower bed. We have ground paint outlining the driveway so that's all under control. And this wall is so much work. I now know more about building a retaining wall than I ever hoped to know. I know how far to lay the foundation below the frost line. I know how thick the foundation should be. And I have a good idea about how wide the project will be. (There are conflicting options.)

I know that special consideration needs to be made for drainage. I know what a French drain is. Oui, oui! I have a complex understanding of why the wall must be built the way it's being built. I think.

It will look amazing when it is done. I know this. I also know that if it doesn't get done soon, I'm going to lose it. These projects tend to be all consuming for me. Not by choice, mind you, but by design. I'm the one who's here. I'm the one who has to meet a gajillion contractors a day. I'm the one who has to field phone calls and respond to emails. It's a big job. It's a time consuming job. It can suck up an entire day. Trust me. It already has.

So, I can only imagine how much of a distraction the actual construction will be. I'm never going to accomplish anything at this rate. Nope.

I say this and yet I have been productive. I simply haven't been productive for me. I will be, though. Maybe if I simply envision my novels being completed they will be. (Yeah, I've resorted to manifesting instead of doing. Epic fail?)

The ten year plan is well under way. The projects are slowly getting checked off. And it's so exciting to finally be working on the house again after such a long hiatus.

Time to envision all of our dreams coming true...

Dreamers do what they gotta do

Numbers are not my friend. They never have been.

Still, I find myself in a position where I am now in charge of all the invoicing for Sam and the business. I don't mind...mostly.

I like making his life simpler. I like helping out with our project. I love the Quickbooks program we are using.

So what's the problem?

One out of three companies is virtually impossible to invoice. Yeah. No exaggeration.

After spending hours finding money for him the other week, we're still waiting to find out if it's going to get paid. And after invoicing over the weekend, I discovered that they paid him twice for one job. Only after I went through what they owe him from past mistakes, we would really only have to credit them about half of that amount.

Not bad.

Oh, but trying to get it done takes an act of congress. I drove all the way to their office yesterday thinking that I would just meet with the woman in charge of their invoicing. She didn't have time to work with me, so I have to send it all in an email with attachments. And we're talking LOADS of attachments. This is why I wanted to meet in person. I brought the files. I brought the laptop. I went home disappointed.

Once we get this taken care of, I'd love to think that it will all be organized. Only with them...I doubt it. They are going to be my problem child. My weekly migraine. And I'm dreading the constant fights on so many levels.

Ah, but dreamers know that if they want the life they have planned, they have to suck it up and do what is needed to get there. So, I'll bite my tongue. And I'll stay super organized. And I'll waste tons of paper to back my claims up.

It'll be worth it. We'll have nice breaks this winter. I can't wait.

Dreamers set lofty goals

We have to. We constantly want to reach for the sky.

Here's our most recent lofty goal. Ready? We need to earn $40,000 in the next 15 weeks. By then, work will start to slow down for him. And we need to have money stacked back to live on for winter.

It sounds like a lot, doesn't it?

Well, we did the math. Apparently, it's doable. Really. It is.

Sometimes these goals just seem unattainable because we've been hemorrhaging money for so long. Even yesterday as we talked about our financial goals, we were talking about all the places the money has to go. It costs a lot to maintain a house and two vehicles and some pets and kids. It really does.

So we crunched some numbers and made a plan for how to make the money. The cool thing is that we didn't count my potential earnings at all. What I make will be purely a bonus. It's all about what Sam can earn at the moment.

Don't get me wrong. There's plenty of pressure on me. He's giving me my dream, so I have to make the most of it. I have to make good on it. I have to make it pay off. I plan to. I'm not the slack off and sit back while he works his butt off type. That's one reason why he keeps me around.

We talked about that last night, too. One area we have always excelled has been at working together. We are a great team. Always have been for as long as we've known each other. It just kind of happened. And I treasure that. He told me that counts way more than anything else because in the long run, life as a couple is about being able to work together, work through problems. He's right. And if you can find someone you love and want to share everything with, all the better.

The walls are coming down. The secrets are non-existent.

It's funny. I was married for 16 years before. Separating from him wasn't that difficult. We were barely together in any respect. With Sam, our lives are so closely intertwined that trying to separate was so painful. We know all the passwords to each other's life, and we have joint emails and shared business...and now banking.

It's what I always wanted and imagined life was supposed to be. My dreams are becoming a reality. That's why we keep dreaming new dreams and keep setting loftier goals and shooting for the stars. We can accomplish anything because we are willing to work for it. That's the secret.

Dreamers deliver

At least...this dreamer does.

I have so many things going on right now. I have a deadline this afternoon even. And I'm not going to lie to you. It's going to be close. My challenge getting the work done was exacerbated by the fact that I normally use S's computer because it has the program I need...and I haven't had it to use.

I have to meet the kids tonight to watch Rachel's play. I'm really looking forward to it. I can't wait to spend time with the kids this weekend. I promised Rachel a road trip for her birthday and we're going to her favorite place: Atlanta. Gawd help us. We had stories from that place...which does make me a little leery about the trip. Somehow I think we'll manage.

And I'm supposed to be really focused and productive at work. We're thisclose to making goal. And quite honestly, I need the money. Instead, I can't do as much as I'd like. I have to entertain patients far too much. We always seem to be running behind or they show up early. So, while they tend to be generous with me, bringing me chocolates, and books, and most recently...pies...I need to get more work done than I do.

The biggest problem right now is that I want some time off. I have it to take. I just want to have some times to work on me. I want some time to do nothing but write without feeling guilty. Is that so much to ask?

At the moment, it is. I have to do everything I promised everyone else. There will be time for me eventually. I'll take it. I'll make things work. For now, I follow through and make everyone happy.

There will be time enough for me...soon.

A new day, new novel

Yesterday I was all about promoting the new novel with its cover: First a Dream. I love my cover artist, Donna Casey. She's possibly one of my best finds to date. She's fast and she's good. We're just beginning a long relationship. Yup. Wouldn't take much for it to last longer than previous one.

*sigh*

Well, I had a rough evening. I discovered that Sam is planning on buying the boat without me. And since that was my dream, it was like a knife in the heart. And though I have been doing fan-freakin'-tastic up until now, I cried. Maybe I just needed to. Maybe it's part of the grieving process. At least, that's what I'm going with. Yup. I'm mourning what could have been, should have been, and what will never be. It hurt enough for me to text him that I officially hate him.

I just felt...betrayed.

Much like Sarah did in Worth the Wait when she walked toward her car one morning, glanced inside her husband's vehicle and discovered a Victoria's Secret bag with lingerie not for her. At that moment, she knew her marriage was in trouble. Later that night when she went to her husband's restaurant and found him kissing the other woman, she knew her marriage was over.

It was then that her good friend, Brian, swooped in to help her pick up the pieces. In fact, he seemed to magically appear whenever he was needed. The trouble with having male friends, however, is that eventually they all seem to want more. And Sarah wasn't sure that she was ready for that. To make matters worse, she discovers her mother has been less than forthcoming about her heritage and she's dealing with a crazy stalker.

This novel is darker than First a Dream. I have tried a lot of different styles. Eventually, I'll find my niche. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy my efforts. I have to admit, I don't write with a reader in mind. I write because it has to come out, because I have a story to tell. And I do love telling stories.

Recently, I have been bolstered in my efforts. I have received some high praise from one of the women who purchased First a Dream. She emailed to say she doesn't normally read romance novels, but she purchased it because she likes my writing style on the blog. Apparently she was so engrossed in reading, she didn't even notice her elliptical had timed out. So, apparently, I can make your workout painless. There's that...

Visit my author page on Kindle. The books are moving up the charts. Thanks for all the support!