Beshert

That's my favorite Yiddish word. Of all the words I've learned while working with my Jewish colleagues...beshert is the one that stuck, made the biggest impact.

Its meaning? Meant to be.

That's what Sam and I are. We are meant to be. I could tell you all the long stories about how we came to meet. I could tell you about the signs that cemented it for us. But instead, I'll let you read the links. Heh heh heh.

There's more. With us, there's always more.

We've faced challenges. Tons. And now, we're facing the biggest one yet.

More than anything, I believe that when things are meant to be, they happen. I believe that anything is possible. I believe that everything happens for a reason.

I've had so many experiences in this life. I was talking about it last night with Sahaja. (I always feel really important when she calls me from Hungary. Love you, Sahaja!)

Sahaja believes that we epitomize the concept of making lemonade. We've been handed our fair share of lemons. That is certain. And we are consciously choosing to be happy. We are choosing to make the best of a bad situation. We are following our dreams.

It's right. I know it is. We found the perfect starter boat. I found the perfect web designer. We have each other.

Meant to be.

We've come to an agreement

It was our first boat related agreement. And it was easy.

This is how it all came about.

See, we have a porta potty. Porta potties are nice in a pinch, but they will never ever EVER replace actual potties.

In our society, we take for granted the beauty of a toilet. I mean, you do your business, you flush it away. No muss. No fuss.

I've been all kinds of camping. I've had to use outhouses. (Ugh, the stench, the bugs, the dark, the potential splinters. I'm short.) I've had to dig holes. (I actually prefer this to the outhouse, but for the lack of any privacy whatsoever.) And I've used porta potties. In those instances, I didn't have to empty them. I knew this time, I wasn't gonna be so fortunate.

And I could tell one evening that we were both considering the same idea. Sam brought it up.

Sam: So, I was thinking about the porta potty.

me: Me, too!

Sam: I was thinking we should never ever go number two in it.

Hmmm.

me: I was thinking that whoever went number two in it would have to empty it.

I can hold it like nobody's business. I figured that was my out. I was trying to find a way to avoid ever cleaning the thing out. I should have known Sam would have been one step ahead of me. Dagnabit.

So, while we haven't quite figured out the porta potty emptying rotation, we do know that it won't be so bad. In addition to the purely liquid contents, the paper products will be disposed of in a garbage bag separately.

It's a start. And I love that we do that...think so similarly. The rest will work itself out.

So, we ate at McDonalds

We didn't want to. We wanted Subway. We wanted...no more fried food.

Only that didn't quite work out.

We were white knuckling it on the drive...torrential rains and dark made the drive a challenge. Sam's eyes were hurting him. We just gave in and stopped at the next rest stop so we could eat, pee, and switch. Mostly in that order.

So, we went to place our order. Sam was confused.

Sam: Are they all waiting to order?

There were a good ten people with drinks milling around near the registers.

me: Nope. Food purgatory. They've ordered, and now they wait.

I knew we'd be there soon.

We ordered and I went to the restroom. There was a funny announcement about the showers being free. And I giggled. Only, soon, at the marinas all over the Caribbean, this could soon be me. (Ask not for whom the bell tolls...it tolls for thee.)

And then I had a really sobering look in the mirror. Really sobering.

I was so sunburned. Mostly just my chest. It's the first sign of spring. You thought it was Robin Red Breast. Nope, it's Nicki Red Chest.

I was giggling as I returned to Sam's side in food purgatory.

me: Look at my chest.

A woman and man near us spoke. Apparently they had noticed and wondered where we had been for me to get so much...color. (Yes, that color was red. Red is most definitely a color.)

I looked at Sam.

me: Can I tell them?

Before he could answer...

me: Oh, what the heck. We bought a sailboat.

Yes, aside from my daughter, Rachel, two random strangers in some little town at a Pilot rest stop were the first to know we bought a boat. Sounds right.

We laughed and joked with them. After we finally received our food and went to our table, Sam and I spoke.

me: See, we're making new friends already. I knew the boat would be good for us.

She will be. I just know it.

She's a beauty!

Yes, we still have a debate about the name of our girl. He wants something Celtic. And in all honesty, we've been too busy trying to figure out how to outfit it.
See there...the hatch opens to allow in some fresh air. Nothing worse than a stuffy cabin.
This is the v-berth by night...which can sleep two. You can't tell, but it's freshly upholstered. And all the teak...freshly stained. It's so pretty.
And this is the master bedroom, tucked behind the ladder and behind the galley. Yes, that is an air conditioner. It's remote controlled. We'll be nice and comfy in the Caribbean with that bad boy.

To the right, the head. We have a porta-potty. And we have a sink to brush our teeth. We'll probably be helping each other shower on deck since there's no shower. All the marinas have showers, it will only be an issue at sea.

We have much work and learning to do. We need to make her our own. We'll be adding some color in the form of decorative accents. And we'll be adding some shelving and storage to make the liveaboard more liveable.

I can't wait. It's going to be like camping on water. It's everything I like about camping improved.

So very happy...

PS. The slide show in the the sidebar...all us and our boat. Sam's a beauty, too, huh? Our slide show will grow with time...

We found our sailboat

Apparently that was the easy part.

We looked at the boat for three hours. Sam scoured every part of it, gaining information about the working aspects of the boat. We studied the outboard engine, we learned the upkeep, we discussed what conveyed and what we'd need. We discussed our options at length. And we decided, together, to purchase the boat.

A price was agreed upon...$2000 less than asking...and we made arrangements to leave the owner with a deposit and and to pay it in full when we come back to Charleston in a few weeks to work on sailing lessons. And the best part? We'll be using our own boat for the lessons. Nothing will give us more confidence in our ability to sail than to use our own boat to do so.

So, it's a start.

Let me tell you about the boat. It's a 1984 Lancer 27. (Really, just shy of 28 feet.) It's cozy. Cozy is real estate lingo for small. At the same time, it has the most important elements. And we've already started a dream list and need list of what we have to have before we set sail.

Only I don't want to think about any of the negative right now. Instead, let me share the happy pictures we took Saturday before we realized how sunburned we were and before the buyers remorse and the anxiety over our decision set in.

Tell me she's pretty. We get to name her. My vote: Sonador. It means 'dreamer' in Spanish. We're open to ideas. So, if you'd like to throw a name into the hat...do share!

PS. I really did plan to share my own pictures. (This is our boat, but it's from the ad on CL.) Alas, I seem to have lost the camera. So, if you have an 'in' with Canon, think of me! Or if you stumbled across my camera, call me!

Today...we shop!

I'm so excited.

We're driving to Charleston. We're going to put a deposit on some sailing lessons. This is money we've earned from starting to sell off our stuff. And if we find a boat, we'll put a deposit on that, too.

I love Charleston. There's so much history. It's such a pretty place on the water. And one of the first times I was there...I saw a dolphin! I love dolphins. I'm sure there will be dolphins aplenty in the Caribbean.

So, we're meeting with Buddy. That's his name. This isn't a nod to Mawmaw. We connected when he advertised this boat that I thought would be perfect for us. And the price tag was a dream! I sent an email asking for interior pictures. He emailed back a few days later that the boat had sold, but that he had another one in the marina that we could live on rent-free until we bought one.

I thought that was very generous. Instead, we asked if he would be willing to give us boat lessons. I included Sam's phone number. (There are just some things the man should be in charge of.) And he called.

Next thing you know, he's hooking us up with hugely discounted lessons, and he tells us about his friend's boat. He gives us the complete inside scoop. And so, Sam called his friend. Hence, we have an appointment to look at the boat. The pictures are nice.

If we like it, we will take it for a spin with Buddy. If we don't like it, Buddy has other boats lines up for us to look at. Somehow, we'll have our boat. And soon.

On top of the boat and sailing lessons, Buddy would like to teach us to dive. Yup. Diving lessons! We can parlay that skill into an occupation. (Sam can...changing props, etc.) We are even talking about investing in an underwater camera. How much would you love to see pictures of fishies and coral and all kinds of cool underwater stuff?

It just feels like everything is falling into place. I just wish our stuff would sell faster. Any ideas for this would be greatly appreciated? Krys has already shared some. And for that I am eternally grateful.

Wish us luck!

One if by land. Two if by sea.

It's two.

Brace yourselves. This is the plan.

We're buying a sailboat.

Nope. I don't know how to sail. Nope. Sam doesn't, either.

But we're about to learn. We aren't complete idiots. We have some free lessons in the works. And we have been doing tons of research.

We're going to sail the Caribbean. Seriously.

Blue water has been our dream forever. And you can't get more blue water than you can by sailing on a boat. Makes sense, right?

And adventurers that we are, we're going to visit every place that our heart desires. We'll start with a small boat and eventually upgrade as we have more money.

Here's the beauty of the plan. I can earn all the money we need with the new company. We've checked the budget. And it looks like the average cruisers spend around $1000 per month to survive.

Imagine how much money we can put away with that cost of living. Yeah, we should be doing really well really soon.

We're downsizing our life, in some ways. We're selling off everything. It will be the first time I haven't owned a car in 20 years. Strange, huh. And yet really exciting. We're going to try new things...like diving and underwater photography. We're going to simplify. No time schedule...for the most part. No excess. Enjoying the bounty of the ocean.

Sam is going to learn to eat fish. I am going to have to remember how to clean it. And he has promised me lobsters. Yes, plural.

It's going to be a whole new way of life. And we're really excited about it. This is why I named the blog what I did. This is the kind of life I have always dreamed of.

Don't bother trying to kill this dream. Don't even think of trying to talk us out of it.

We're contacting potential sponsors while we prepare the boat for the journey. And we're working on lining up advertisers for the new site. This...all while we work on unloading our stuff and tying up loose ends here.

I'm exhausted and I've never been so happy.

So, go ahead, let the questions begin...

It's not Costa Rica...

Not that we haven't considered it. A lot.

Then I talked to friends who have been there. The results were mixed. And most felt that it was a bit too third world.

And Sam and I studied the beaches. Nope. They were not even close to being as pretty as the water we're going to see, the water we long to see.

We considered Costa Rica because the cost of living was supposed to be really low. And we thought that it would be lovely to be so close to the turtle nexting beaches, and pods of whales, and five kinds of dolphins.

Lovely, right?

Oh, but immigration and residency can be a nightmare.

There are three types of residency. And not one of them is for those who just want to uproot and find a simpler way of life in a tropical setting. It should be. Oh, but we're not retired. And we aren't doctors or lawyers or one of their othered preferred professionals. And we don't have a large amount of cash to deposit in one of their banks and invest in their country.

Unlike the US, you can't just go over there and get a job. We would be unable to work on a tourist visa and unable to get residency if it meant we'd take jobs away from the Ticos.

That foiled that plan.

So, not being individuals who give up easily, we moved on to Plan B. And I like Plan B so much more! It's a bit off the beaten path. It's a little out of the norm. Guess that means it's just right for us.

I'm kind of surprised...

See, by now, those of you that know me will probably have guessed what I am doing. Or...maybe what I'm doing is going to shock even you.

Let's do this...

Guess.

I mean, if you guess...I'm not revealing. If you guess...I'm merely filling in the blanks.

So...guess!

Guess what our big plan is. Guess how we're going to live...where we're going to live. Guess.

Nothing is too outlandish. Nothing is too wild. Let your imagination roam free.

I can't wait to see what you come up with.

How to build a business without breaking down

Yup. That's what I'm working on. I'll let you know how that goes.

My problem is that I'm working non-stop these days. If I'm not at work, I'm working at home. If I'm not working on the computer, I'm working around the house. If I'm not working around the house, I'm playing chaufer to the kids or running errands.

No rest for the wicked?

I must have been awul.

Or maybe I'me just uber driven.

Yeah, I'm driven. And in the process of working so hard, I'm also working on not losing it.

For some reason, it never occurs to me that I might fail, that I might have over-extended myself. So far, I haven't. And yet I am also so far from finishing the task at hand.

On the bright side, it is a challenge. I thrive on challenges. I laugh at adversity. I dig deep.

So far...I'm strong. So far...I've got this. So far.

Sick of secrets!

I hate secrets. I hate keeping secrets. I hate having secrets.

I suppose I blog because I love sharing. I love living my life out in the open. I love writing.

Only...lately, because we are so superstitious, because we are so afraid that it will all crumble around us if we share it aloud...I have to be secretive.

Secretive is bad.

I want to share with everyone all the exciting plans we are making. I suppose the only one I can share right now is the one that will be happening fastest.

I'm starting an online business. It's really exciting for me. It involves everything I love. It will enable me to develop some skills that I haven't had to use previously. I Tweet daily now. I Facebook every day. Still, my business will involve that and so much more.

I'm building on online social marketing company. The website should be ready in two weeks. The company should launch on May 1st. And by summer, I should be precisely where I want to be.

There's so much to look forward to...self-employment, building a business, building relationships, building the life I've always dreamed of.

If you know of any companies or businesses that might need my services, please have them contact me. My theory is that no company is too big or too small to build relationships with its customers online through these channels. And trust me, with what I have to offer, I'm a bargain.

Hope to hear from you!

So much for lazy Sundays while pursuing dreams

We used to have wonderfully lazy Sundays. I'm sure we will once more, but for now...it's more nose to the grindstone Sundays. It's our last hours of productivity together Sundays. Its gotta get it done Sundays.

*sigh*

And that's okay. I can look at the big picture. It's more like a huge picture.

We have an entire house of furniture and stuff to unload. It's not easy. We're selling a bit here and a bit there. The spare vanity we had in the shed sold last Sunday. The patio set and umbrella sold on Wednesday. And we sold some odds and ends...not even a drop in the bucket...yesterday.

Still, the money gets put away as we prepare for the next leg of our adventure. Soon enough this plan is going to be put on steroids. In the mean time, I have to spend every waking minute working.

I have a web designer creating a site for my new career. We are meeting again tonight because I have changed up the design. Right now, as up in the air as my life is, working with me is a bit of a nightmare.

It took Sam telling me not to cut costs on this project to get me to accept the price tag a good website comes with. It's about three times what I wanted to spend. Dammit.

And I'm buddying up to Craig again. I'm all...Hey, Craig...can I stick my prime junk on your list? Will you find me a buyer with deep pockets who isn't going to try to beat me down too much on price? Pretty please!

So far, Craig needs to work a little harder at filtering out the riffraff. Seriously.

Still, I can't complain. The excitement of what we have going on still has not worn thin. Our patience with each other and the situation has held remarkably well. And we still both like and love each other. Yay!

This is only the tip of the iceberg. I have no doubt that life will get much harder before it gets easier. There's going to be a lot of give and take, a lot of negotiating, a ton of hard work.

We're play big or go home people. We'll do the work. We'll put in the time. The payoff is huge.

A moment of quiet...

Last night I could hardly haul myself to bed, I had so many ideas just running through my head. I was still considering our travel plans. We have discussed so many options. This morning, I can barely get focused. I have to get centered and fast!

And I've just realized that we're about to get a lot more interesting. That's for sure. As much as I want to spill my guts and just share all about our plans, I know that if I do...someone is going to pop up and just ruin it.

There will be some well-meaning soul who will make us doubt or second-guess our choices. While I am really impulsive, I have Sam to help me through it. Sam is the voice of reason. He's the Ying to my Yang. And I'm the light to his dark. It works.

Every time I make a suggestion about our plans, he reels me in, hauls me back. (I keep wanting to call it a trip when in fact it is actually an entire change of life and scenery, a departure from everything and everyone we know.)

Sam is the money guy. It's good. It's better that it isn't me. We know how I roll. I somehow believe that life and hope and a healthy dose of optimism will provide. And the problem is that I have so many years of dumb luck and support to prove it that it is hard to truly refute my belief.

I am resourceful. I am resilient. I am...clearly trying to convince myself that I can handle anything. Only...mostly I can.

And so I have to go back to work. It's Happy Yard Sale Day! We are selling it all. Bit by bit. It won't take long for the neighbors to figure it out. It won't take long for the world to know.

We have a big life ahead of us. We'll be leaving soon. It could be anywhere from two to six months. Sam is getting antsy. Now that we're selling stuff, he wants to go right now.

I find that to be very encouraging. Even more, he's trying to learn how to do what I do. It's the business end of our life that we're working so hard on. We can't have the dream without some money to make it happen.

Hoping the winds of change continue to blow some luck our way.

The preparations are well under way...

Yesterday we waited in line for an hour outside of the passport office. We were the first in line. When we set our minds to something, we don't play.

Once inside, as prepared as we were, everything fell apart. Yup. The passport papers we filled out after downloading from online were out of date. We had to start over. I filled the information out as quickly and neatly as possible. I didn't want to lose our place.

Then we discovered there were fees that we didn't anticipate. Luckily, Sam had money on his debit card to cover us. Yes, money has been thistight lately.

Still, we walked away after a mere twenty-five minutes with the comfort that our passports would be arriving in 4-6 weeks. Yay! And then...we would be so much closer to being on our way.

In the mean time...we are getting ready for the big yard sale tomorrow morning. Here's hoping that goes well. We're selling...pretty much everything.

It won't go in one foul swoop. We know this. And we are anticipating at least one more yard sale and maybe two more estate sales, in addition to the sales on Craigslist.

It's so exciting.

It's like the ultimate in exfoliating experiences. Only, instead of sloughing off dead skin, we're sloughing off our old life, getting ready to expose a brand spanking new one.

Sam has been musing about this plan of ours lately.

Sam: I'm tired of this place. I'm ready for something new. Why would anyone stay the same place their entire lives?

Tons of people do it. Before me, he probably would have been among them. Most of my family has lived in the same town FOREVER.

Oh, but I like our new ten year plan. And after I reveal what we have in the works, I'm thinking you'll like our new ten year plan, too.

Just give me a few days...maybe a week. Then, I'll divulge just about everything.

And in the meantime, fingers crossed that we have a kick ass yard sale.

Happy Passport Day!

Yup. That's what today is all about.

We're going to be heading out shortly to work on getting our much needed passports. It's something that we have been discussing for some time, but now with our future on steroids...we must go NOW.

See, our life is getting busier and busier. Our time schedule for departure is up in the air based on so many factors out of our control. The only thing we can do is prepare.

So, every day we prepare a little more. We plan a little more. We are doing loads of research.

And I have to tell you...I'm dying to tell you. I really want to Tweet and Facebook and just share our plans all over the web.

But I can't yet.

I'm afraid.

Silly, huh?

These words seem ridiculous coming from a woman who moved 1000 miles in the dark of night with two children depending on her and a pittance to support them. It isn't that I'm afraid of what we're planning. No, that part is wholly exciting.

I'm afraid to speak the words aloud and somehow jinx the plan. I'm afraid that if I speak about it, somehow, it will all blow up in my face and never come to fruition.

Soon. Really soon.

I will gladly reveal all because that's the purpose of this blog. This is the spot I haven't told my friends and family about. This is where I can openly discuss without fear of my dream killers.

But for now...passports.

Blue water=bliss...

When my fiance and I first started dating, we'd spend long hours in his hot tub relaxing and musing about our future. He was determined to leave Charlotte. He even had a plan. A ten year plan at that.

I'm a planner.

Nothing makes me happier than planning and dreaming. The best dream plans are those that involve travel. And his most certainly did.

We were going to work on remodeling his house. And then after ten years, we'd move. He was thinking San Diego...or some part of California...on the coast.

I had never been to California. Neither had he. And I suppose that sounded far off and exotic.

Me, I'm an east coast girl. I dreamed of Florida, maybe The Keys. I dreamed of being somewhere that I could explore happily for a long time. I imagined palm trees and sand and blue water.

Then we broke up. Only just before we broke up, I gave him a lead on a job. Once the job was completed, he offered to pay me for it. The industry standard was roughly ten percent. Only...he gave me a second option.

What if, instead of paying me, we went on a trip together. And I saw a way for us to find our way back to each other. So, I took the trip idea and ran with it. I did all the planning. He did all the paying. In the end, on the budget I was allotted, I managed to get us round trip flights to Miami where we would spend one night before boarding a cruise ship. We would be stopping in Key West and Cozumel. And then, we would have two more days in Miami at another resort before we flew home.

Ten days of bliss. Ten days to see if we could handle being together without killing one another or growing bored.

We weren't bored. We didn't fight. We faced the challenges that come with travel with humor and sarcasm. I fell in love all over again.

It was easy to fall in love with a man who made me towel animals to recreate one of my favorite aspects of the cruise. It was easy to fall in love with a man who indulged my whim of driving The Keys...on Valentine's Day, no less.

That's when his dream of moving to California changed. Instead, we dreamed of blue water. We dreamed of a home in The Keys and a boat to travel by.

They were such pretty dreams. It was such a beautiful plan.

Not all who wander are lost...

I am a wanderer.

I don't know why. I don't know what it is about me that can't quite settle down. All I know for certain is that I am a wanderer.

It is the reason I married my first husband. (That would imply I have a second or even multiple husbands, but alas, so far just the one...and a half. We're engaged.) Back to the first husband.

Seriously...I married him because I knew that if I did, I wouldn't live my entire life in the small town I grew up in. There's nothing wrong with that town, located in the Adirondacks. There's nothing wrong with the people. There's nothing wrong, except that it isn't right for me.

So, I wander.

When my daughter was seven and my son was four and my marriage was on the rocks, I packed up the kids and everything my Plymouth Breeze could hold. In my purse was my entire life savings...$400. I left my mother's lakeside condo at midnight and headed south to Charlotte, NC. We made it in one day...arriving by dinner time at my now ex-sister-in-law's apartment.

That was nine years ago. Nine long years. That's the longest I've lived anywhere my adult life. And I am ready for a change. I need a change of scenery and career and life.

See, that's what dreamer's do. That's what wanderer's do.

We take risks. We deny the possibility of failure. We make our dreams a reality.

We believe that if we are willing to work toward our goals, anything is possible. That's why I continue to wander. I know what my dream is. And I'm getting closer. I live to try new things, have new experiences, and explore possibilities.

It has always worked for me. There have been struggles. There has been plenty of strife. And now I need it to work again.