Dreamers celebrate Kenna's big day...

Kenna sleeping and behaving...for a change. 

Today, Kenna is one month old.  One month...already.  And I can't help but wonder how many more of these milestones she'll celebrate in the hospital.  I want her to be there for as long as she needs to be.  The last thing I want is to take her home and have to send her back to get re-admitted.  We'll give her all the time she needs to finish cooking.

This week has been another roller coaster.

And yet, I can't complain.  I can't.  Just like all the other weeks, we have had more ups than downs.  That is something special.

This week, she was moved to the CPAP machine for 24 hours.  After that, her poor little body just wore out.  She started to have bouts of apnea and increased bradys.  The doctor sounded worried when he called me.  And I ended up having to make an emergency run to the hospital.

doctor: How are you today?

me: That depends on what you are about to tell me.

And then he went on about how Kenna had stopped breathing and her heart rate had dropped and I was just waiting for him to get to the part where she was okay.  It took him long enough.  In fact, I'm pretty sure I interrupted him to get to that part.

me: But she's okay, right?  She's still kicking?

doctor: Oh, yes.  We had to move her back to the ventilator.

me: I don't care.  As long as she's good.  Everything else will come in time.

Moving her to the vent, not the emergency.  The emergency was what came next.

doctor: So the nurses wanted me to tell you that Kenna is out of milk.

me: How out?  When does she need some?

doctor: Well, her next feeding is...now.

me: I'll be right there.

They could use donor milk, but I didn't want that and I knew Sam wouldn't want that.  And I'm not pumping for nothing.  Dagnabit.

I talked with one of our favorite nurses while I was there.  We had discussed how she was so strong, in that she had been able to last on the CPAP for so much longer than we expected, but at the same time...she couldn't sustain it forever.

nurse: She just needs to gain a little weight, get a little stronger.

me: And I wouldn't think that would be so difficult.  I gain weight very easily.

Ah, but Kenna is so feisty.  She's wild.  Every time I walk into the NICU, I find that the staff all seems to be keeping up on her.  They all talk to me.  It's nice.  It's like home...if home were a dark sterile environment with tons of high tech machinery that reeked of latex and sanitizer.

Kenna has made it through her first month.  She's thriving in so many ways.  And I know we owe that to all the words of encouragement, the prayers, and all the healing thoughts people send our way.  For that, I can never thank you enough.  Just know you are in our hearts, too.