Dreamers prepare for the future

I have to tell you.  I was mostly afraid most of the pregnancy to prepare for the impending arrival of my baby girl, Kenna.  And I have to think it was for good reason.

I have lost babies.  Too many babies.  I lost a daughter from my first marriage at 27 weeks, stillborn.  I was physically and emotionally devastated.  Then Sam and I lost our son at 12 weeks the day before Thanksgiving.  Too much loss.

And the only thing that made those losses even slightly bearable was that I didn't have to come home to any baby preparations.  I simply had to mourn and carry on with my life.  So, you can imagine that I wasn't quick to gather baby gear this time either.

Instead, I had a few items thrust on me...a Snugglie, some feeding bowls and spoons, a personalized blanket.  And then I was on bed rest and it didn't look good for Kenna.  Only...things are constantly looking up.  It seems.  And we're more optimistic.  And we're even beginning to prepare.

My computer guru and his wife have given us a crib...a beautiful crib.  And we're looking forward to using that.  We have a porta crib that Sam's sister, Christie, and her husband have given us from their kids.  We have a changing table that Sam's dad found for us and amazingly enough...matches the crib.  My sister contacted me and told me that she and her husband are planning on sending us the car seat and stroller that I had on my baby registry.  One of my blog buddies and neighbors, Dana, gave me a selection of leftover baby items...diaper cream, baby bath, and the like.  We're getting there.

And this afternoon, I'll be looking at a bassinet.  Yeah...I found it on Craigslist.  The price was perfect.  And that and the bouncer are really the only big items I still need for her.  I figure it will be months before I can use the crib.  Kenna is too tiny.  So having the bassinet in our room will be ideal.

I guess I'm confident...finally.  I guess I truly believe.  I hoped.  Don't get me wrong.  Oh, but I was afraid.  Can you imagine what it would be like to have to face a bunch of baby items with no baby to ever use them?  I would be devastated.  Now, I don't believe I'll be devastated.  I believe that Kenna will come home in a matter of months.  And we'll be ready for her.