Ah, but lately, I feel like it's all I do. I'm being stretched so many different directions. And I'm frustrated because I don't feel like I'm accomplishing much of anything these days. I really don't.
I've spent the last few days working with Sam on finishing his window job. The family is lovely, but the woman wanted to talk to Sam the entire time, which meant that he couldn't get any work done. So, I went and talked with her. And that meant that I didn't get any work done.
I need to get work done.
I literally worked out of the car for part of the day on Saturday. I had the laptop on the seat, while I stood outside the vehicle and typed. It wasn't fun. It wasn't comfortable. Ah, but it was necessary. And it may be the only way I managed to accomplish the SEO articles.
Lately, I have been missing deadlines left and right. I have a deadline for two Fiverr tasks. And my heart isn't in it...because my heart is mostly at the hospital. I would camp out there if I could. There should be no reason to question my dedication to my child. I am, after all, currently covered in a rash from the milk meds. Yup. It was one of the warnings. And considering the many things that can go horribly wrong from the meds, and if I had to have one...I'm rather glad this is it.
The house needs attention. It is never entirely clean at once any more. I cleaned Keenan's bathroom on Friday. The house was vacuumed on Thursday. Saturday I was on the job site. And I grocery shopped Sunday. There is still plenty to do, but who knows when I will actually get it done. I figure a task a day will keep the dust bunnies away. So...I guess I should dust today?
Really, I should probably stop being so hard on myself and just give it a chance to come together. Because I know it will in time. And in the scheme of things, being there for Kenna counts so much more than all of this.
She's better today than she was yesterday. And we'll see what tomorrow brings. For now, I'll take life one day at a time and stop being so hard on myself. This, too, shall pass. And those who love me understand.
You are doing the best job that you can do with the tools at hand. What you and your husband are going through is absolutely draining emotional and physically. Like you said, "this too shall pass" Take a deep breath, exhale and march on :)
ReplyDeleteMake Keenan clean his own room. As for the rest of the house it will get done when it gets done. I too like my house nice and neat and where you could eat off the floor if possible but Nicki you have to be a realist here and take time you need for you when you get that rare moment. You can't be all to everyone if you don't have time for yourself.
ReplyDeleteThat has to be tough, honey. You have to give yourself a break and speak up when you need help. I know... easier said than done.
ReplyDelete((hugs))