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| Our little miracle is growing |
Let me explain.
I have a friend who is giving birth today. She knows she is having a big healthy boy via c-section. And she's excited to meet this new family member, but I sense that she feels a little guilty over her happiness, over her good fortune, over the fact that she is having a healthy baby boy while Kenna is sick and teeny tiny and in the NICU.
Don't...just don't.
I don't begrudge her any of it. I'm not envious in the least. Really. I'm happy for her.
Life is unfolding as it should.
I have another friend, a blog buddy who posted on Facebook that she feels selfish because she is picking out paint swatches while Kenna's fighting for her life. This friend has been working on a divorce. She had to adjust to being alone and rebuilding her entire life. Now, she's ready to paint this pretty life that she has built. Would I really begrudge her happiness? Never.
Life goes on.
And it should. It's supposed to. And even though we're not where I wanted to be right now, we are part of this wondrous life. We are living. We have lots of happy moments. Mostly right now we are just super hyper focused. We have to do what we can to get ready for business this spring. And we are super hyper focused on Kenna.
Every day we had to worry about any changes to her health. Would you believe she's two weeks old today? I can't. It has flown by. Two weeks. Already. Know what else? She weighs a pound. Found that out when I called the hospital before bed. Her father did the math and proclaimed that at the rate she's growing, she could be home in March.
I think that's pretty much out of the realm of possibility, but I won't tell him that. Kenna has a long way to go. We can't even hold her yet. We barely touch her. She isn't eating. She still is on an oscillator for her breathing. And let's not forget that she can't maintain her temperature outside of the incubator yet. This could take a while. Oh, but any progress is good.
Our girl is growing. That's part of life, too.
So be happy. All of you. And don't be afraid to share it or flaunt it or shout it from the rooftop. I want life to feel normal. That's why I don't talk about all her tubes all the time when I visit. That's why I talk about the fact that her hair is looking mighty blonde. And that her nose...unfortunately mine. And that her ears are nice. And that she has cute fingers and toes.
Life is good. Be happy. We are.
You are an amazing woman! So glad to hear that Kenna is up to one pound...I think that's amazing in just two weeks!! I keep Kenna and your whole family in my prayers everyday.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Prayers are greatly appreciated. All the love and support are why all of us have held it together and why Kenna is healing.
DeleteAt least...that's what I choose to believe. :)
Absolutely I know how you feel. I've had moments when others have felt too guilty for enjoying life. I let them know when I feel jealous and when I want to hear more. Life just is what it is. It is up to us to stay positive about it.
ReplyDeleteAnd YOU ARE. Lots of good energy and prayers every day to you and yours, Nicki!
Actually, my guilt sets in when I'm feeling depressed and/ or sick. Last Sunday, I scolded myself for letting life get to me because poor little Kenna was fighting good and hard to make it to that one week milestone. Then over the past few days, I stop to tell myself that if that sweet little micro-preemie can fight all these odds, I can suck it up and get through a silly little cold that will be done and over within a few more days. Of course on the flipside of that, she's also inspiring me to keep fighting through my days. The things I'm facing aren't life or death. So, I think fondly of her as I muster the energy and/ or courage to make it through the day. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that she's hit a whole pound! I'm also pleased that she's made it to the two week milestone. I know March is wishful thinking, but maybe June? Sound likely to you?
@T, thank you for the love and support. You have no idea how much it helps keep us in the right frame of mind.
ReplyDelete@Meredith, I'm hoping for the end of April maybe beginning of May. Oh, but we will survive anything to get our little one home.
Love you all. Just had to say that.
ReplyDeleteBy the way I don't want you to feel guilty because you aren't noticing what is going on with me. I'm not blurting it as much as I did the first time around.
I'm here for you if you need me. If you need something let me know too.
So glad she is up to a pound! Wow! I can't wait to see her in July and I hope she has some baby fat by then.
You are amazing. I hadn't thought of it that way - that sometimes even when we're overwhelmed with our own struggles and drama, it almost feels necessary that we share in other's happiness. Yin-yang of life right?
ReplyDeleteSo glad Kenna is growing!! And at the rate I'm going, she'll be a teenager before I figure out my decorations.
:)
See, I knew you'd come around. So glad that you are in a better place. Sending hugs and love!
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