Dreamers learn to live life moment by moment

That's one of the best ways to live anyway.  Of course, sometimes this life is lived that way by choice, other times it is thrust upon us.  Right now...big thrust.

I am headed to the high risk doctor again this morning.

And I have to admit, I didn't think I was going to make it.  I really didn't.  The pain has been a bit much.  It's one of the indicators that she's going to have to come out soon.

Sam and I have discussed it.

Sam: Babe, we'll go when you say, but I have a feeling that when we do, she's coming out.

me: I know.  Why do you think I'm hanging on?  I wanted her to cook as long as possible.

I do.  I'll make it.  I'm tough.  It's Kenna I worry about.  She's teeny tiny...even if she does have a strong heart.  And the longer she bakes, the better off she'll be, the better her chance of survival.

So, we don't plan.  And this is really a challenge for me.  I'm a planner.  And I can't plan right now.  It's a huge growth experience.  I'm learning to live more in the moment than ever before.  See, I thrive on my future plans, goals and dreams.  Right now...there is nothing past her birth.  There is nothing past the pregnancy.  And I don't know when she'll be arriving.

For now, I plan by the doctor appointment.  I planned to survive the pain until today's appointment.  And I plan to survive the pain until my Thursday appointment.  And I'll plan to survive until each of the appointments that are made in the middle and even after.

It's a good plan.  It's all I have at the moment...that and more life lessons.