This dreamer is falling apart

Kenna's resting under the billi lights...

Usually I pride myself on holding it together.  And right now...not so much.

I'm in the hospital, which isn't bothering me a bit, which is an indication of just how badly I really am doing, I suppose.  I'm frustrated because I can't keep track of anything.  And part of the reason for that is that I want to do nothing but sleep.

My Percocet makes me want to sleep.  And the Regulin for the milk supply makes me want to sleep.  And because of all that...I find myself nodding out all the time.  And then I have to glance at the clock.   I'm dreaming and now talking to my dreams.   I've caught myself doing this twice.

It's not like me.  And I'm bit happy about it.  Part of me wants to simply go to bed and wake up sharp once more.  The other part considers that I may not be sharp for some time. 

And if it is the meds, there's nothing to be done about it.  I need the pain pills.  I need the Regulin.  And in reality, I also need sleep.  It's just impossible to get it while I have so much going on around here.

I've called to check on Kenna.  She is doing pretty well, all things considered.  And I'm considering everything.  We are waiting on some labs.  We have results of others.  Her day is going well.  Her night ended well.  My little toughy is hanging in there.  It makes me happy. 

I'll be happier, too, when the doctor comes over to check on my stomach...which is bruised and red and tender to touch and warm.  Just when things were finally settling down, I need an infection.  Sam is really worried.  And he's bothered by how long it's taking to find anything.  Me, too.   Every delay is a delay of my departure. 

And while I like being here, being close to Kenna, I have a family at home that needs me, too.  Man, do they need me.  The house has needed dusting for weeks.  And I've still boon doing the laundry.  I love Sam, but I just don't like adding to his burdens in the form of extra work.

Soon enough, all of this will pass.  Soon enough, I'll be good as new and Kenna will be on the mend.  It will be months before she comes home.  I don't care.  Whatever it takes.  No matter what.  I just want her home...healthy, happy, and strong.  We can't ask for more than that.