Dreamers love mother daughter time

I went to visit Kenna alone yesterday.  And I have to tell you, it was nice.  I didn't have Sam getting bored and rushing me.  I was able to take my time talking to the doctor and nurse to see what was going on with her and what they were going to do.  And once all the business was out of the way, I was able to enjoy my time with her.

Kenna seemed to really enjoy it, too.

We read a book together.  Okay, I read, she listened.  I have a book that I'm reading for the From Left to Write online book club.  The deadline is fast approaching.  And I thought that since Kenna loves hearing my voice, I would just read to her and get my work done at the same time.

We only made it through one chapter before we were interrupted, but I think that was pretty good.  Kenna was getting a little too worked up.  She was about killing herself trying to turn enough to see me while I read.  It was so sweet.  I couldn't change my position because the oscillator was in the way.  I was just as close as I could get.  And she was not thrilled with my location.

I stayed for a good hour and a half.  I probably would have stayed even longer, but we're working on boob time these days.  And when I have to pump, I have to pump.  So, I reluctantly left.

Leaving her every day is the hardest thing I do.  It really is.  The second hardest is seeing her face scrunch up, knowing that she is crying, but the tubes prevent any sound.  Kenna will usually reach out to me then, and I can't do anything.  I can't touch her, I can't pick her up and comfort her.  All I can do is talk to her to try and soothe her.

me: Just grow big and strong, little one.  Get healthy for mommy.  And when you come home, I'm going to snuggle you all the time.  You may not touch that crib for months.  I'll have waited too long to hold you.

And I mean it.  She is going to have handling restrictions for the first year of her life.  I know how this works.  We need to avoid exposing her to too many germs.  We especially need to avoid her ending up back in the hospital for anything but surgeries.  (I know how that goes, too.)

We have a long road ahead of us, but these moments sustain me.  And hopefully I'll have some good news about her response to the dexamethasone for her lungs. 

Kenna is three weeks old today.  The glycerin worked.  She pooped!  I'm so proud of how far she's come already.  She's my determined little warrior.  And she now weighs a whopping 1lb. 2.3ounces.