It's going to take some time. I have to think about what to do very carefully. And, since I no longer trust myself to make...any major decisions...I'll be asking you to weigh in and help. You will, right? You won't leave me here to flounder on my own filled with self-doubt?
So far I have been encouraged to keep my dream alive, to follow it. Friends are reminding me that I'm strong. And I have to admit, I'm feeling stronger.
I only have a few more days to pack up and get things out of the house. My self-imposed deadline, not his. He actually doesn't seem happy about my departure. At the same time, we have agreed it's for the best. It is. I just think in the long run it will be better for me than for him.
Therefor, I'm working on doing what dreamers do. We dust ourselves off and find a new dream or we rework an existing dream. No matter what, we never stop dreaming.
My cousin, Becky, thinks that I can get some sponsors and carry on with the Plan Sea if I have the right schtick, the right angle. She may be right. At the moment, my entire angle is that I'm Suddenly Single at Sea. I think it would be therapy. I think if I took some time and sailed away, building the business as I went, that I would definitely come back stronger. Sam would never be able to touch me again.
At the same time, there are the kids to consider. There's the possibility that, at the moment, I might want to consider some land adventures since Rachel will be graduating next fall and Keenan will be starting high school. I can't leave them. Not now, not ever.
But mostly, my dream does not involve a house anymore. Okay, maybe a house on a tropical island, but no ordinary continental US house will do. I could Under the Tuscan Sun it in the Caribbean. (The movie version, not the real version.)
The important thing is that I have time to figure this out. I have until my tax refund arrives, and then some. I have a place to stay until then. It is the perfect place to recuperate. I'll tell you more tomorrow.
For now, I need to ponder my next move. This one is temporary. All opinions are welcome.
If I may weigh in...
ReplyDeleteAs the mom of a graduating senior, I think you don't want to miss out on your kiddo's senior year. For my son and I, this has been one of the most fun years of our life. He got to live it and I just stand here proud, on the sidelines, beaming with pride and going "that's MY kid!" :-) I think high school was pretty awesome in and of itself, the entire 4 year journey, I wouldn't trade a second of it. That's something you might want to consider. They are only young once. Then they will be out in the world making their own dreams happen too :-)
I'm saying go for it. You've gone this far with you (mostly) driving things. I think you can do whatever you set your mind to do.
ReplyDeleteNothing will stop a dreamer.
I'm going to second what Becky's said. You can still make Plan Sea work. Who needs some wishy-washy cheater? Not you! You just need your strength and determination. Remember, you were told you're a natural born sailor. You also know how to budget time and make things work. You can do this! I don't know about how to hand your land adventures with the kids before they're both off to college and making lives of their own, but let me reiterate that you make things work. Somehow, you just do. I suspect you've got a magic wand you're not telling us about -- and you should totally patent it and sell it so the rest of us can get with the program as well as you do. ;)
ReplyDeleteThat IS what dreamers do...dust themselves off and charge forward. you GOT this more than you ever have. So proud!
ReplyDeleteI have two suggestions for you:
ReplyDelete1) Keep up the sailing lessons, if that is possible. After last weekend, it seemed you found a real passion for it. Even if you aren't imminently sailing off to the Caribbean on a live aboard, you may find a lot of healing satisfaction in mastering sailing a smaller boat on your own. Plus you might meet a cute sailor boy someday.
2) Have you ever considered a floating home? I have a friend that lived in a rented floating home on one of Portland's rivers and another that bought one in Seattle. It's a totally different way of life living right on the water. Perhaps you could find one to rent to try it out? http://www.all-about-houseboats.com/
Have fun dreaming sweetie!