It was a long talk

And we did it all by text. We had to. I was at work.

It all began with a conversation Sam had with Rachel in my absence. We haven't been entirely open with our plans. There are too many contingencies. It's a big game of wait and see.

So a thought occurred to me. I don't know what's real anymore. Rather than suffer, I had to know.

me: I know we're trying to save the house, but we really are leaving, right?

Sam: One day

Yeah. Not the answer I wanted. He waffles sometimes. I'm the adventurer, the wanderer. And he's not super good outside of his comfort zone. I'm constantly working to expand it. So, I pressed harder.

me: When the work runs out?

Sam: Yup

Well, shoot. There has barely been any work for the last nine months. And he wasn't exactly over-whelmed with work at the moment.

me: Okay. We keep telling people so many things, I don't know what's true anymore.

Sam: Keeping the house and taking long trips on the boat.

Nope. Not what we planned. Not what I was willing to settle for.

me: Not renting the house and living on the boat?

Sam: We will figure that out later. For now I think we should try to keep the house if at all possible!

Ut oh. An exclamation point. I knew what that meant. He was getting frustrated.

It was twenty minutes before I could respond.

I'm done with Charlotte. It's a perfectly lovely place to live, but it has been ruined for me. The ex has ruined it. I've ruined it. And Sam has ruined it. We can't go anywhere without him being on edge, worrying over who we might run into. We stay home too much. And that sucks because even the neighborhood has been ruined for me.

I could feel my chest tightening thinking about staying here forever or even for six months. It wouldn't work for me. I was going to run. I know me. He knows me, too. So, I warned him.

me: I can't live here anymore. I'm hanging on because there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

And he caved. He recognized the truth of my words.

Sam: I know. We will rent the house if we don't have enough money or time. That is if we can save it?

He wants me more than he wants the house. He wants me and our future even if it means leaving his comfort zone. All was right once more.

me: I love you. I'm trying. We'll do our best.

Later that night, we met with the computer guru. He showed us the site, made notes of any other changes. And when we finally had a moment to relax, we spoke once more.

Sam: I believe in you. You can do this. We're going to make this happen.

He'll be steering the boat, but it looks like I'm the compass for our life. And we're both on board.