Dreamers live in the moment

We're redecorating.

Bit by bit.

The great room may be done later this weekend.  Or early next week.  It's hard to say.  We have a lot going on.

Sam managed to get us sucked into an Open House at Direct Buy tonight.  Yeah.  Of all people.  Of course, I shouldn't say anything yet.  He has proven to be an incredible shopper lately.  Mostly because he isn't afraid to speak up.

He managed to get us a box of fire starter logs..24 of them...for only $3.99.  The shelf was labeled that way and the manager honored it.  And someone else probably lost a job, but mostly...we ended up with a great deal.

And then there was the visit to Lowe's where he ended up getting the spider for 25% off.  Huge savings.  And we'll be all decorated for Halloween this year.  Yay!  One thing at a time.  Halloween is his holiday.  Christmas is mine.  I love it warm and cozy.

So, aside from the two hours of my life I will never get back after tonight, there is also the matter of the Renaissance Festival on Saturday and football on Sunday.  And while I'm looking back over all the changes taking place, I can't help but think about what to do with this big hulking wall in the living room.

There's a quote by Mark Twain that I absolutely love:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

It's so me.  It speaks to me.  And it made me think about how I could use it in the room.  We've had a really big life already.  We have traveled and had our share of adventures.  We have truly explored and embraced trying new things.  We're married now...which may just be the biggest adventure of them all.


We tried our hand at sailing.  We still own a sailboat.  We had some glorious weekends in Charleston, living on the water.  (That was more my dream than his, but he truly embraced it to make me happy.)

And I am happy.  I really live.  I truly love.  And every day...I grow.  I never want to look back with regrets in 20 years, or 30 years...or ever.  We're on the right path.

Where is yours leading you?

Dreamers date!

And so we selected a movie.

Truly, I'm not sure I can adequately express how happy I was, how excited.  Sam has been working a lot.  And he has been leaving early.  And we have both been tired with a lot of demands upon our time.  Going places is almost too much of an effort sometimes.  Deviating from our routine is so much work.

We decided upon Contagion.  I mean, how can you go wrong with Matt Damon?  You can't.  And this movie had such a high rating from critics.

Of the movie times available, we decided to go to the 4:45 showing.  We wanted to beat the crowds and get in at the reduced rate.  We're frugal like that.

One thing I love about technology is also something I hate about technology.  It can break down so easily...like in the middle of dispensing the movie tickets purchased at the automatic ticket counter.  And then the guy at customer service was completely baffled with what to do with us.  His boss took FOREVER getting us the other ticket and the receipt.  I should have gotten a pretzel out of it, or some candy, or some candy or mozzarella sticks...instead all I got was annoyed.

Ah, but then the movie started.  And I had only missed one of my beloved previews.  And it wasn't even for a movie I had considered seeing.  And we settled in and enjoyed.


Until we decided we were hungry...during the last fifteen minutes.  Hunger can be a very powerful thing.

Sam was voting for Hooters wings.  I thought I'd rather stick a flaming hot poker in my eye.  He assures me, however, that if I would simply give their Cajun wings a try, I would find tolerating the scantily clad servers justifiable.  I doubt that.  Seriously.

Instead, we went to Outback.  We planned to eat on the patio, but a private party had already hogged the entire area.  So, we ate indoors.  Rather boring and conventional, but the food made up for it.

The bread and butter kept coming.  The Shrimp Caesar was the best salad EVER.  And the fully dressed baked potato...perfection!

Sam enjoyed watching my foodgasms.  I was really on a roll.  That's when I realized something.

me: Baby, this is the first time we've ever done dinner and a movie!  Ever.

Sam: How is that possible?  Really?

me: Yeah, we have done dinner.  We have done movies.  We have never done both together.

Yay, for more firsts.  Yay, for finding the good in life.  Yay, for really living.


This first year is off to a really great start.

Dreamers deal with the itch...

I have been growing increasingly frustrated lately.  And Sam has felt it.

I'm not one who has to spend a lot of money to have fun, but sometimes...I need to get out of the house.  I'm home working all the time...days, nights, weekends.  I'm always within arm's reach of a computer.

And while I love what I do....sometimes a girl needs a break.  We used to go to the movies here and there.  We are back in our Sunday routine of watching football...unless he has to work.

There are times I get...cabin fever.  Yesterday he came home from the job site early to work around the house.  He ran to Lowe's for some supplies.  And he was gone for nearly two hours.  I waited for a bit to eat lunch, then gave up.  I ran out of patience and my frustrations got the better of me.  I needed to get out.  Immediately.

It was a trip to McDonald's just down the road that helped perk me up.  Of course, he was coming back just as I was leaving and that made him wonder.  I am reliable and predictable and...home.  I came back with a cone.  And there was strange new stuff in the garage.

me: Some girls get flowers from their husbands...

Sam: Baby, I bought you a spider!

Ah, Halloween.  The one time of year that I am supposed to set aside my arachnophobia for the sake of fun and games.  There was a giant spider on the couch...inflatable...taking up the entire couch.  It was turning it's head from side to side.  We had discussed it...and here it was.

Oh, and there was more...LED strands of glowing red hands, a purple LED strobe light...and plans.  It was a start.  It perked me up some.

Sam: What's up?  Where did you go?

me: McDonald's.  I needed to get out.  It was the most decadent $1.07 I've ever spent.

Sam: I think you need to get out more.

I have been holding onto plans for the Renaissance Festival, opening this weekend.  He has never been and I'm dying to have that first with him.  Another in this big important year.

But sometimes the weekend sees so far away.

Sam: What movie did you want to see?

What?  After more than a week of dropping hints and outright asking, he was finally going to take me to a movie.  Sweet.

Come back tomorrow to read how Dreamers date.

Dreamers leave a legacy

Once again I was blessed to receive an amazing book through the From Left to Write Online Book Club...for free.  This time it was Cleopatra, by Stacy Shiff.  And while I normally don't enjoy biographies, favoring something more fantastical...there aren't many true stories that are more fantastical than that of Cleopatra.

Of all the thoughts I had while reading this, what stirred me the most was the idea of leaving a legacy.  There's something to be said for that.  Cleopatra left quite the legacy, a huge history behind, truths that many struggled to understand...like how she could commit suicide.  Some view it as an act of cowardice.  And while I don't understand choosing to take her own life, what I do understand is her inability to live without the love of her life.  I think that played a bigger role in her decision than the idea of being paraded through town as a prisoner.

At least...that's what the dreamer in me wants to believe.  That concept I understand.  Sam and I wonder over that often.  What would I do if I lost him?  How would I go on?  What would he do if he lost me?  Could he go on?

That's why thoughts of the legacy I'm leaving mean so much.  When I am gone, how will I be remembered?  What will I be remembered for?  And I have come to realize that the way I'm viewed is as varied as the way that people have come to know me.

Of all my friends in high school, only my Jennie really knew me.  And of all those in my life now only Sam and Jennie really know me.  There are those who come close, those who take the time to sit and talk...even over the miles.  Sahaja and I speak here and there despite the distance between us...literally...she's in school in Hungary.  She gave me the nicest compliment the other day.  She told me I'm like the ocean...and it wasn't a size thing.  She told me that it's because I'm all vibrant like the ocean and yet have such a calming effect.  Hmm.  I like.

I wonder how my children will remember me.  I'm hoping I'll be remembered as being generous and loving.  I'm hoping they will remember how special I tried to make them feel and how many wonderful memories I tried to create through the years.

I want to leave behind a legacy of love.  To me, that is more important than any other accolades I receive.

Dreamers decorate their dreams

I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this before, but I'm living in my dream home.  Almost.  I have my dream man.  That's a great start.

This home is the same floor plan as the home I lost and the in the same neighborhood.  And, quite honestly, because it is right in the center of our street, I rather like his home better.  And because I share it with him, it is more my home than my home ever was.

We have been slowly making changes to the home...more slowly than we would like.  That's the nature of life as a contractor.  There is either money and no time or time and no money.  And there's only so much that I can do.  I try really hard, but I have my limits.  This is why we are a team.  And luckily this team works so well together.

About a year and a half ago, we sat down and made a plan for the house.  It was our ten year plan of what we wanted to accomplish.  We wanted the home to be comfortable and make it more marketable.  We needed to update and improve.  We also had to be careful not to price it out of the neighborhood.  We came awfully close on the bathroom.  Now we're working on the great room, which pretty much encompasses the rest of the house.

So, when rains kept Sam from working on Saturday, we ended up finally putting our wedding money to work.  We went to Lowe's.  It's my crack.  We picked out the paint for the great room.  We started wall repairs.  We picked out the chair rail.  We have now started work.

Sam climbed through the scuttle hole over the great room to fix a truss issue we've been having that resulted in the all cracking along the seam.  More wall repair.  More work to be done.  Nothing is ever simple.  I'm used to it.

You'd think we'd have this down by now.  We sort of do.  I started taking off the outlet covers.  With a chisel.  I couldn't find  flat head, but I am very resourceful.  Sam moved furniture.  The room is much cozier now as aisles have been created around the room.

There will be pictures.  You know how this works.  It's going to be a dramatic change.  And I love all of our changes, great and small.  Time and patience are really making a big difference in every aspect of our life.

Dreamers plant a seed

Actually, we're planting seeds and plants and trees.  Oh, my.

It started with our plan for the natural area.  At least...that's what I'm going with.  See...

I think the real seed that was planted...was the seed of change. 

We're changing all the time.  It's our environment...from the small projects we're working on around the house and the big projects we're working on all around the house.  And as much as we've always been this team...now more.

So while it was raining yesterday, Sam started digging holes for me.  I have big dreams for some of the things I envision in the yard.  He has left it to me.  He handles the grass.  I get to pretty much do what I want with the rest.

At least that's what he said...years ago.  And I'm beginning to think he has forgotten.

Sam: Those marigolds...

me: Mums. Mawmaw has marigolds.

Sam: Right.  Mums.  So what colors do they have?

He loves our wedding flowers recycled.  He has really developed an interest in the yard and what we do with it.

Sam: Because I was thinking we could plant some other colors. 

Looks like there will be burgundy ones and even orange ones.  Sorta looking forward to it. 

Really.  I'm worried.  I'm afraid to get too invested in it.  And for the first time, it has nothing to do with my fears that our life together will come to a sudden and abrupt end.  Instead, it's Bishop.

You see, I've planted before.  And he dug these plants up.  I'm talking within hours of the planting.  Money down the toilet...or shredded across the yard...and sometimes our carpeting.  Then there was the stuff Sam did.  Roundup.  On everything he thought was a weed...including my foxglove.  It was less successful on the holly we both hate.  And my liriope merely laughed at him. 

Yesterday, we planted a peach pit.  We're hoping to get a peach tree.  It's our own little science experiment.  The kids were supposed to participate in this peach-off, but their pits aren't producing. 

If you happen to have any suggestions for hardy plants that Bishop won't dig up and Sam won't mistake for weeds and I can't kill accidentally, do share.  We have ten years to make this house incredible.

Dreamers know life is a great balancing act

Because it is.

And there are so many days that I feel like I have dropped my pole.  I'm standing there with my teeny tiny Cinderella feet halfway between platforms and everyone can see my butt because chances are it is way too big for the outfit to cover.  Such is my life.

I'm struggling to make everyone happy lately.  And for the most part, I'm doing okay.  Sam is mostly happy...although business is tough, a series of ups and downs, excitements and disappointments.  We're used to it.  At least...I'm used to it.  And we have plans to stay steadily working through winter.  We hope.

If I could only progress farther in my writing career, I'd be truly happy.  I just keep getting side tracked.  There are so many other aspects of my life that take priority.  Oh, but I have big hopes for this weekend.

Sam will be working.  The kids will be mostly gone and working.  And I will have hours...yes HOURS of time to write.  I live in a really quiet home, until they all arrive...or descend upon us.  Call it what you will.

And writing is something best done in silence.  I think.  It gives me the space I need to hear the characters' voices, to hear my voice, to get it all down.  I like being able to read aloud to edit.  And I don't want others hearing me or commenting or interjecting.  I like my space.

So, I'll make it through the next few days.  I'll keep plugging along.  I have so many things to do.  It will go quickly.

But there are moments that I want to savor.  I want to cherish every moment of our dreaming together.  I want to soak up every second we spend planning over my crack...HGTV.  I want to enjoy every moment of our family dinners and time with the kids.  It goes too quickly.  That's why today, like all days, I work on balance.

Dreamers find a Velveteen Rabbit kind of love

The most marvelous changes have been taking place.  Every time I stop and pause and think, I can't help but smile.

 Like last night.  When I caught him looking at me.

me: What?

Sam: You just keep getting prettier and prettier.  I'm not sure what it is...

me: Happiness.  It agrees with me.

That's what I tell him, but I know what it really is.  It's love.

I know it's love because of the many things he does for me.

Like the other morning.  When he just started cleaning my car.

Sam: Your car needed cleaning, baby.

me: So, you're cleaning it?

Of course, this isn't the first time.  He does it often.  He does so many wonderful things that he's never done before.

It's like the Velveteen Rabbit.  When you really love someone, you think they are beautiful, no matter what.  You get to the point where you don't mind if they are a little rounder than they used to be, or if their hair isn't perfect.  You don't notice when they have morning breath or burp tacos.  You just love them.

With a Velveteen Rabbit love, anything is possible.  It is the most freeing love I know.  It's built on substance.  It's known for its durability, its sustainability.  It's all about acceptance and understanding.  It's a pretty amazing love to have.

We don't always look right on paper.  I'm older and have two teens.  I have a Master's degree.  He works with his hands, has a GED.  He's younger and hawt.  Ah, but he explained it all so very nicely to our customer the other day.

We were friends first.  I was everything he was looking for in a mate.  He wanted a mental connection.  Sure there was an attraction there, but...and this is where he's really learning...it's the mental attraction that makes the relationship last.

See, looks can fade.  But when you love someone for who they are on a personality and intellectual basis, that doesn't matter.  Every day you will be more attracted to the them because of who they are and the life you have together.  That's why his past relationships didn't work.  He went for the body, or the beauty, or the bubbly cute attitude.

And just in case you don't believe me...last night he cornered me in the kitchen.

Sam: I don't know what it is lately.  Every day you look more beautiful to me.  I can't put a finger on it.  It isn't the marriage, I've felt married to you for so long.  Are you doing something different?

I shook my head.  He knows I'm not.

Sam: Every day I love you more.

Me too, baby.  Me too.

Dreamers make connections

I didn't feel like doing much on Monday.  Sometimes, it's really hard for me to motivate on a Monday.  I was doing the best I could.

Sure, I woke up and did my posting.  I helped Sam type up a proposal.  I even took my walk.  I finished some more work on the computer.  I'm writing a blog for a company that I have been writing SEO articles for over the past six months.  Check out the blog.  We're hosting our first giveaway! 

After that it was shower time.  Lately, that simply tires me right out.  After the shower, I could take a nap.  Only, I didn't have time.  I was supposed to be at a cookie party.

So, I went.

Only my head hasn't been on right lately.  I drove most of the way there, only to discover that I had forgotten my wallet.  And I needed it for this party...and for driving...and for the grocery shopping I had to do later on the way home.  That meant I had to turn back.

Back to the house.  Only once I arrived, I really didn't feel like going out again.  I called to announce and explain my lateness.  And that's when I somehow rallied.

As much as possible, I try to keep my commitments.  I try to be whee I say I am going to be.  I try to do what I say I am going to do.  This dreamer is dependable.  Mostly.  When she's not forgetting her wallet.

Thank goodness I rallied.  It turned out to be a really important meet and greet.  Oh, and the cookies were good, too.  Ah, but not as good as me.  I only ate one cookie.  It was chocolate chip...only more like chocolate chunk.  It was so good that it was all I could do to not lick the crumbs off the plate.  I'm a good girl.  And I'm practically house broken.

So, I walked away feeling good about having forced myself to follow through.  And I felt good to have met the women I met because I can tell it is going to lead to bigger and better things.  And I'm still contemplating a nap, but history suggests I won't have time for one.

We have a big life planned.  Time's a wasting.

Dreamers live for different experiences

One our wedding night, Sam sat beside me at the bonfire he had built and promised to be the best husband he could be.  Just saying that and thinking that way had him off to an incredible start.

Of course, it does help that he keeps proving it.

We had received some free tickets to the Southern Show for Saturday from a friend.  It ran all weekend, but this is football season and there is very little chance that we will do anything that isn't related to football on Sunday.  (I love our Sundays!)  So, Saturday for the show it was.


We had two extra tickets and invited Dad and Vicki.  Unfortunately, Saturday is a big cake day for Vicki, but Dad agreed to meet us...until he hit the parking lot.

Dad: Is this the Southern Women's Show?

Sam looked at the tickets in my hand.  And realized it was.  So, Dad decided not to join us.  In his mind it was going to be all girl stuff...purses and makeup and jewelry, oh my.  To some extent, it is.

Ah, but I am not a girlie girl.  And I love this show.  For years I have told Sam that you can fix your entire life at these shows with enough money.

Sam: The only men here are suckers.

me: No, you are keeping your word about being a good husband.

Sam: Well, we already paid for parking, let's check this out.  I can probably tolerate it for an hour.

So, I sped us right past the stuff I knew he would want nothing to do with.  And we found all the things that would interest both of us.  We had some free samples...like ice cream.  We tried on some energy bracelets...and bought some.  We found some Christmas presents and toys.  In the end, we left after about two hours or so.

me: You had fun.

Sam: I decided to make the best of a bad situation.

I just smiled.  I knew he really had enjoyed himself.  And the day wasn't over yet.

He took me to South 21, a landmark restaurant in Charlotte, where we enjoyed chicken and barbecue.  We went to visit Mawmaw.  We had a really nice afternoon.

Then, on the drive home, we stopped by the cemetery where his mother and grandfather are buried.  He hadn't been in years, but decided to go with me.  And I understand why.  He's changing lately in all the best ways.

We walked around for a long time trying to find her.  There were a few landmarks he remembered from his youth and the place had grown significantly since her death in 1995.  He found the spot and called me over.

Sam: Mom, this is Nicki, my wife.  Nicki, my mom.  I thought the two of you should meet.

He told me what he remembered of his mom.  Age and maturity change everything.  He has forgiven her for choices she made that hurt him at the time.  He understands more about what it is like trying to be a parent and do the best job possible.

And he told me what I needed to hear.  He told me that he never expected to be a step-parent before he was a parent.  He told me that he never could be with anyone else.  He told me that he thinks sometimes how horrible it would have been if he had made decisions that kept us from being together.  He told me he's happy.

It's more than I could ever ask for.  It's all that I need.  I love our different kind of days.  I'm happy, too.

Dreamers know when to lay low

That should be me...

Oh, and that's right now.

It's like all the wedding preparations and the wedding and traveling finally caught up with me.  I'm exhausted.  And, as is typical for my life, I've found so much to do...still.  I committed to a new freelance project.  I'm excited about this one.  No SEO articles.  I get to blog.

For someone who loves words and enjoys being creative, SEO articles, while they pay the bills, are really like writing obituaries.  There's not a lot of room for style and expression.  It is all about the facts, man.  My personality doesn't get to shine through at all.  And I hate sticking my light under a bushel.

So after some emails...make that lots of emails...and lunch and some writing, I've decided to give in and take my much needed nap.  I've decided to rest and recuperate.  Sam won't be home until late.  The kids won't be home for a few hours.  And while I feel like I'm squandering my potential writing time for sleep time, there are times that it is no contest.  There are times that I have no choice.

I'm trying to be kinder to my body.  I'm trying to take the best care of myself possible.  Someone has to be healthy enough to hold everything together.  And that's usually me.

In a few hours I should be rested and refreshed. I'll have a whole new perspective on life.  Rachel will make dinner.  I will still get everything done.  And life will make sense once more.

Let's face it, if I push myself too far, I'm only going to end up sick.  There are times that we need to listen to our body and heed its requests...like sleep and chocolate and relaxing baths in the new tub with some of the fizzies Jennie bought us...but especially sleep.

Take time to honor your body today.

Dreamers know that which was lost can be found again

It's been a lot of work raising Rachel lately.  And it has bothered me a lot.

We have always been so close.  I wondered, along with Sam, how I would ever be able to live without her under my roof.  How would I manage not seeing her for long stretches of time?  How could I be me without our witty banter, our nightly meals, our interactions?

And then she turned 17.

She had spent a few months at the end of last school year living with her father, which did absolutely nothing for her disposition.  She came back to us angry and mean.  She was snappish.  And suddenly, I didn't worry about surviving without her all all.  Mostly, I wondered how I was going to survive with her.  The month until graduation were many.  Shoot, the school year hadn't even started yet.

I considered what other parents had said, that the teen years were designed so that we wouldn't miss our kids so much when they moved out and moved on with their lives.  It was all beginning to make sense.  Still, I longed to get back to where we had been, the relationship we used to have.  It seemed impossible to bridge that gap.

Love her through it.

That has always been my answer to everything.  Love.  I cook with love.  I clean with love.  I write with love.  I raise my children with love.

Over the past few months, I have found a calm that is proving to be unshakable.  I have decided to smile and be happy.  I have chosen to let things go.

It seems to be working.

Rachel isn't quite so disagreeable.  The end is in sight.  She is graduating early from high school, in January instead of in June.  She will be leaving and going to college.

And just the other morning, she turned to speak to me and the first thing I noticed was her necklace.  I had struggled to buy her a tree of life necklace with raw emerald leaves all over the branches for her 16th birthday from Etsy.  To make it an even more memorable experience, I had created a scavenger hunt for her to find it that had her all over the neighborhood unscrambling these rhyming clues.  And then, a few months later, she had lost it and I was crushed.

me: Your necklace.

Rachel: Yeah, we found it when we were moving stuff out of dad's.

me: So it's back.

And it wasn't just the necklace I was talking about.  The longer she's home, the more she becomes the Rachel I know and love.  (Because loving someone isn't always the same as liking someone...)

Sometimes, that which was lost can be found.

Dreamers know how to celebrate

Winding down and opening presents.

We enjoyed the rest of the night.  It was our reception.

Sam helped me for a little bit, then went to play tracball in the yard with Ed while there was still light.  Jennie and George joined them.  And I fiddled around the kitchen and entertained the family and friends.

It was a small wedding.  It was just the way we wanted it.

We had talked about having ten people.  Including ourselves, there were nine.  Good, huh?  Jennie and George, Ed and Laura, Mom, Mawmaw, and Dad.

We didn't go fancy with the food.  We went with yummy and comfortable.  There was homemade fried chicken.  There was Stouffers Mac and Cheese.  (I can't make it better.  I've tried.)  There were meatballs in marinara sauce.  There was a veggie platter with two kinds of dip: ranch and my Greek dip.  There was Boursin and crackers: Rosemary and Olive Oil Triscuits and Sundried Tomato Basil Wheat Thins.  There was my creamy horseradish potato salad and Jennie's pasta salad.  We had yeast rolls.

No one ever goes hungry on my watch.

After dinner, there was cake cutting and toasting.  We were told we were boring when we nicely fed each other cake.  We have been sharing slices of cake for as long as we've known each other.  It would never occur to us to smush cake in each other's face.  We would never disrespect a Vicki cake like that, or each other.

Everyone insisted we open our presents.  We sat in the living room and did so.  We thanked everyone and read cards aloud.  Then we sat and joked a while longer.

It was a long day.  Sometime after 9pm, people were heading back to their cabins.  Mom was heading to bed.  Sam, Jennie, and I were heading out to the fire he had made hours earlier.  We needed s'mores for the experience to be complete.  Then Jennie left us alone to talk.

Sam: I'm going to be the best husband I can be.

me: I know you will.

Sam: I can't imagine my life with anyone but you.  I can' imagine living without you.  I guess that's why I can't understand how Mawmaw has lived so long without Pawpaw.

And I know what he means.

me: You know the other day, I was crying while listening to some of our songs.  I found out when we broke up and I moved out that I can survive without you, but it's not much of a life.  I want to be with you, only you.

We kissed then.  We kissed a lot that night.  We're still kissing now.  This is love.

Dreamers Spend the Final Single Hours Having Fun

At least we did.

We knew there were some things we wanted in a wedding.  We wanted it to involve a destination that was meaningful.  This is why we had considered Key West.  We stopped there on our cruise a couple years ago.  We thought about the beach.  We take a beach vacation at least once a year.  And we agreed upon Fontana, where we had spent Labor Day weekend last year and Sam fell in love with the stars.

We also knew that we wanted to have fun.  We wanted our guests to have fun.  We didn't want a stuffy event.

That's why we spent our day the way we did.  I woke up early because...I always do.  I had the sarongs ironed and was sitting on the bed next to a sleeping Sam deleting pictures off the camera to ensure we had room for new ones.  He woke up while I was clicking away.

Soon he awoke and we set out to have a little alone time for a few minutes.  We went to the dam to see the mountains looking all smoky.  We stopped and fed the horses because it was as close as we could come to having Bishop around.  Then we went back to the cabin so we could decorate and have breakfast.  Our plan was to rent a pontoon boat from 11-3 and then have time to get ready for the wedding at 5:45.

Breakfast was bacon and eggs and bagels and cinnamon coffee cake.  Sam decorated with the strands of white lights.  He hung the lanterns that I found.  It looked so pretty and festive.  We even had the mums and candles set out for later.

We made it to the boat on time.  And soon enough, we were on our way.  The plan was simple.  Relax.  Get some sun.  Have lots of fun.

Mission accomplished.

We drove around the lake.  We ate chips and salsa, ham and cheese sandwiches.  We had lots of drinks.  The cooler was stocked.

We saw the dam from the lake.  We saw little houses on the lake.  They float.  Too cool.  And we checked into what the rules were for having one.  Maybe...someday.  Then it was time to head back and pick up Dad and Mawmaw.  They were coming in from Charlotte.

It gave us an excuse for a potty break and to feed the ducks.  We sat under some shade while we waited.  It was nice and relaxing.  All day.

Finally, we headed out again.  It was nice getting the extended family together...my mom, his dad and mawmaw.  Jennie and George.

That's when it happened.

George spotted a boater waving us down.  His boat had died.  He needed a tow.  And we were thrilled to assist.  This time, it wasn't us being towed.

Come to find out...this guy owned the huge houseboat that I had seen and was dying for a tour of.  He was so grateful that we had helped him, he told us to stop by and he even offered to let us get married on the boat.  We thought about it...for a moment.  Then we decided to stick to our original plan.

The covered boat dock was to be our alter.  The lake and mountains would be our backdrop.  And we'd be surrounded by the open air, sunshine, and love.

The Wedding...a post in pictures

Jennie, signing the marriage license.

Ed, signing the marriage license.

We spent the morning playing with horses...

Boating on Fontana Lake...

Enjoying the sun...

Towing a stranded boater.  (It wasn't us this time!)

We married at the marina, under a covered swim dock.

There were wedding tears during the vows.  Mine.

The wedding party.  Don't we look comfortable?

Married.  Finally.  And happy.

Dreamers help each other out

I couldn't be as relaxed as I am right now if it weren't for Sam.  Guess it's a good thing I'm keeping him.

See, yesterday I had errands to run before picking mom up at the airport.  And I wasn't sure that I was going to make it on time.

Sam: I will make sure I'm available to pick mom up if you can't.

And that's all I needed to feel better about that.  Everything went smoothly and I was able to pick mom up with time to spare.

We ran errands.  We went to lunch.  She met Bishop and Bo Bear.  She rekindled with the grandkids.  She met Austin. 

Then we all piled into the car and met Sam and Mawmaw and Dad and Vicki at the Hibachi Grill for dinner.  It was a nice party of nine, enjoying a ridiculous amount of food.  Rachel ate the most plates.  That's my girl.  And we were mostly on our best behavior.

I was already tired then.  It was closing in on 8pm.  Mom and I rode with Sam.  The kids took my car.  And we ran a few more errands on the way home.  We had to do something about music.

Once we made it home there was still much work to be done.  Only...I didn't have to work alone.

Sam cleaned my car.  No.  Sam CLEANED my car.  He vacuumed.  He emptied garbage out.  And when that was all done...he loaded everything that could be loaded.  He was a rock star.

It freed me up to do more packing, cooking, and organizing.  I think I'm organized.  I feel mostly organized.  At this point, whatever I've forgotten doesn't need doing. 

I'm breathing just fine.  I know I can count on him.  And tomorrow, we start working on forever...together.

Dreamers know when they are in over their head

Glug glug. 

I'm there.  Yup.  I'm drowning in it.

Lately, I have just had a series of days that have not gone the way they were supposed to.  From Friday morning when we received a new edition, our proverbial baby in a basket...our Bo Bear to...well, every day since and especially yesterday, when the kids needed me and Sam needed me and the business needed me and the boat needed me. 

Sam: You know, I've never seen a dog get potty trained as quickly as you potty trained Bishop.  This dog, he's gonna be a challenge.

Oh, and he has been.  I've been walking him out to the grass religiously ever since.  He finally gets that the grass is the good place to go potty, while the carpeting is bad.  Still, this is the potty training carpet.  We get the pets now and break them in before we get the good stuff.  We have a plan.  We know what we're doing.

Okay.  We mostly know what we're doing.  Right now...I question.

See, it's been one thing after another.  I've had to deal with Rachel and school drama.  I've had to deal with Keenan and injury drama.  I'm up to my eyeballs in...drama.

Rachel came home the other day wearing a scowl. 

Rachel: I'm not graduating in January like I planned.

me: Why not?

Rachel: They recorded my art class wrong from Butler.

She explained the entire situation and waited to see my reaction.

me: Get me a phone number.

Three phone calls later, problem solved.  She's graduating early, just like she wanted.  And apparently my record stands.  If anyone wants something accomplished, they sic me on it. 

Usually,

Then there was the call from the nurse about Keenan.  Not news.  Keenan has allergic reactions with the frequency others change their underwear.  That this call was about a finger and not an allergic reaction was news. 

the nurse: Keenan apparently injured his finger yesterday.

me: Yesterday?

And I remembered how I was grocery shopping and he was playing with John down the road.  He came home.  I came home.  There was the normal hugging and pleasantries.  Nope.  No mention of an injury.  And the nurse was recommending x-rays.

This kid has had so many x-rays...I'm surprised he doesn't glow.

Only this time Keenan came home from school and asked me not to overreact.  He was convinced that his finger was merely sprained and he would heal.  I looked at it.

me: Can you bend it?

He demonstrated.  Good enough for me.

There are still articles that must be written.  I wanted them done last Friday.  Then I wanted them done over the weekend, Monday at the latest.  Oh, but my mother is coming today and the house isn't clean, the articles aren't done, the shopping needs to be finished, there's baking to do, and packing and laundry and family dinner tonight...oh my.

It will get done.  Make that...it will get done enough. 

That's what I've learned.  That is the secret to my mostly calm. 

I'm still the people pleaser I always was.  I'm still the devoted mom and daughter and almost wife.  I can do this.  I make it work.  We're going to be just fine.

Dreamers take time to pet the turtles

Time.  It's at a premium.

Still, I have to maintain my healthy habits.  That's why I continue to take walks.

Walks are often rewarded.  Sure, the walk itself can be the reward, the toning, the tightening, the cardiovascular health, but I love all the other little rewards that I get.

Like yesterday...I saw a turtle.

Reward!

And the greenway is gorgeous right now.  There are tons of vines and wild flowers.  There is the lovely aroma of impending fall.  It's been raining  here and there lately, so instead of a dry creek bed, I get to see a lovely stream.

There are these wooden bridges I have to take that makes me really enjoy this pastoral setting hidden in the midst of this city.  I love it.

So, I'll take the time out of my busy schedule to walk.  And I'll take care of me.  Housework be damned.  It'll still be there when I have time.

Dreamers make the most of the time they have

Yup.  We're closing in on the eleventh hour before the wedding.

We still have to get the wedding license.  Minor technicality.  And there's a lot of food to consider.  Let's face it, I was going to spend the bulk of my time figuring out food.  And once we realized that the cake was covered, everything else kind of paled in comparison.

So, I still have to get some groceries.  I have Austin helping me with some of that.  He has a membership to Sam's Club and mine has expired.  I just don't want to spend money on that right now.  Thus, a trip to Sam's with Austin is in order.  And I like grocery shopping.

There will be Boursin.  And there will be veggies.  Oh, and I need some BabyBel.  I love cheese.  I'll have to pick up some chicken.

A lot of prep work and planning goes into a wedding reception.  Ah, but I won't let that stop the fun we intend to have.  Right now, this is one of the times in life that we're doing a ton of planning to get to the fun part.

What am I forgetting?  I only have a few days left to remedy it.  Still not worried.  I decided to let some things go.  Yup.  I warned my mother...we're going to be clean enough to be healthy.  I have a great excuse.  That new puppy of ours is dirtying the place as fast as I get it together.  Good thing he's cute. 

The weather is supposed to hold up.  And I am not worried either way.  It's all coming together rather nicely.  And I'm holding up rather nicely.  I think...

Dreamers know the pros and cons of joint accounts

Yes, I love that we have joint accounts and that he carries me a little bit.  I love that he is generous.  I love that I can help him out with banking, since he rarely has time to run and make deposits.

All that is well and good. 

At the same time, there is a dark side to joint checking.  I have to remember every purchase I made over the course of the day since I will probably be asked about it.  I have to remember that when we are sharing his money that I need to respect it and truly question how I spend it.

Still, he knew that there were things that we needed to get for the wedding.  I'm closer.  It's closer.  And I want to feel ready.

So, I left Sunday morning while he was still sleeping to pick up a few things.  I needed cups and flutes and plates and napkins.  I needed to get the candles while they were still on sale at Yankee Candle.  And I needed to get some food.  I didn't realize that when I left.  I thought I was full.  I had drank my chocolate milk and vitamins.  I had devoured a peach.  I figured I'd run a few errands and eat at home.

Ah, but Party City took longer than anticipated.  And the drive to the mall took longer than I expected.  And my tummy was all...yo, thinkgs are gonna get mighty unpleasant if you don't see to my needs.  Feed me and no one gets hurt.

Well, I wouldn't want anyone to get hurt, so I stopped at Taco Bell.  I picked up my usual through the drive thru and ate in the parking lot before going into Yankee Candle.  That's when my phone started ringing.  Seriously, my stomach clenched and all I could think was...he can't possibly know already.

me: Hello?

Sam: I want Taco Bell, too!

And I started giggling.

me: I'm just stuffing the last of the quesadilla in my mouth.

Sam mimicked a sinister voice: I can monitor your every move.

That he can.  And since I don't do anything he has to worry about or I have to lie about, we're doing just fine. 

Dreamers never settle down

In fact, that may be the chief characteristic of dreamers.  We move from one goal to the next, one project to the next.  We live to try new things, explore new places, make new friends.

Yup.  Sam and I are dreamers through and through.  We love our dreams.

I was having a talk with my mother the other morning while taking my walk.  Dreamers are multi-taskers.  At any given moment we have so much on our agendas that we simply have to find ways to do two and three things at a time.  And after all these years, I have multi-tasking down to an art form.

So, mom and I are talking.  I'm rather excited because she'll be here in less than a week.  And, as usual, from the minute she arrives until the moment she departs, it will be a whirlwind of a trip.  We'll be doing dinner the first night of her arrival with Sam's family...hopefully at that Mexican restaurant we all enjoyed.

Then in the morning, we'll have a walk before we shower, pack up, and head to the mountains.  Friday we'll be looking around and prepping and just enjoying the time.  Our friends and family will be trickling in over the rest of the weekend.

We'll sneak off to see some stars on Friday night.  I know us.  And I know Sam especially.  He has been really looking forward to this.

Saturday will be a morning of boating followed by a late afternoon of getting reading and an early evening wedding.  Ours! And then, back to the cabin for food and fun.

Sunday will be more fun, lots of driving, and a return to Charlotte.  We have friends who want to get together.  And we want that, too.  And before you know it, a few days later, Mom heads home.

It promises to be a fast paced, action packed trip.  I love that kind.  It rather leaves her breathless, I think.  And the mere discussion of it had her asking the question...

mom: Nicki, do you ever think you'll settle down?

And I thought about it.  I guess I equate settling down with getting old, being old, acting old.  And though I will be celebrating thirty-ten this year, I don't think I'll be considering myself old.  Nope.  Not yet.

I'm young at heart and mostly mind, body, and spirit.  I like my active busy full life.  I don't ever want to slow down too much.  I bore easily.  Luckily, Sam does, too.  It promises to be an active marriage, a full life, a balanced relationship.  And I couldn't be happier.

Think you'll ever settle down?

Dreamers keep their chins up

I read a post from Jolene the other day.  She was writing about how it makes her nervous to be so happy.  She keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Some people don't understand that concept.  Ah, but I am all too familiar with it.  Whenever I get really happy and excited about something, I have a tendency to pause for a moment.  Loss is all too common in my life.

Through the years, I have lost so many people close to me.  For a long time, my life felt like a string of funerals.  Some people never know how to act or react in those situations, but I know all too well.  I spoke at both of my maternal grandparents funerals.  I couldn't help myself.  Right now, I'm maintaining multiple blogs.  Clearly, I have a lot to say.

So, when everything seems to be falling into place, I get a bit nervous.  I almost feel better when something begins to go wrong...that eventuality I am always prepared for.

Wednesday morning was no different.

We woke up, we prepared for the day.  For Sam, this means a shower.  For me, it means that I get into workout clothes and head out to the living room to write all my posts.  Then, once Sam no longer needs me before heading out the door, I go for my walk.  I come home, eat, read blogs, shower, eat again, and get settled in to an afternoon of writing...and running errands.  There are always errands.

Only, Sam was called with a siding job to be done immediately.  And he had to finish yesterday's job.  And he had to fix a (yeah, I still don't know what the thing is called...diverter or something?).  And he had an estimate to run after all of that was done.

On the one hand, yay!  I get to write almost uninterrupted.  On the other hand, all of his guys were MIA, so that created a whole new set of challenges.  He was calling everyone he knew and trusted to help him accomplish everything that needed to be done.  He needed my help to get it all together.

And that's why my day started later than I planned.  And my work load grew.  I still went on my walk.  I still bathed.  Of course.  And I wasn't going to give up on eating.  Guess this means no nap for me.  No matter how tired I get, no nap today.  There's too much to do.

It's okay.  I just have to get everything done by Friday.  I have left next week for cleaning and wedding planning and what little cooking I plan on doing.  (Um, not much.)

I've learned not to panic.  These things have a way of working themselves out.  A clear head goes a long way to making it through.  And simply plugging along means that the job will get done some way, somehow.

Chin up.  It's not so bad.