I have been inundated with so much crap lately. It's been challenging to hold it together. With my raging hormones, everything has hurt so much more than it normally would. Sam came home later than anticipated the other day...by a whole thirty minutes...leaving me to feel abandoned and stressed. I couldn't answer these work questions without him. And I was really feeling the need for some TLC.
I get like that sometimes. More than sometimes lately...
It had been days of fighting with Rachel, arguing with my ex. It had been days of drama. And at the same time, I was trying to carry on and complete necessary tasks.
When life gets like that, I just want to get all turtley. I want to hide in my shell. I don't want to interact. I just want to be left alone. Only there was no alone to be found.
For some reason, I always believe that I can work things out with my words. And so it is particularly frustrating when my words go unheard, when people refuse to listen. That's when the dwelling begins.
But I don't have time to dwell. I don't have time to be upset. And I don't like the distraction. I need to be calm and centered and relaxed now more than ever. No need to bake a tense and angry baby.
And that's when I have to dig deep to remember. I can only control so much. The rest, I must accept. I preach acceptance in love. I truly believe in it. Oh, but it so much harder to accept that some of these things are uncontrollable.
So, I carry on with my life. I work to make the best life possible for Sam and Keenan and Bishop. Sophie has never returned. And Rachel hasn't either.
We're doing okay. Some days are way better than okay. And those that aren't...I'm letting go.
Take a deep breath. Then, screen your calls. Yes, I know that sounds awful, but you may very well need to do so in order to regain some peace of mind. It's alright. Really it is. Then when you feel calm and ready to tackle returning the call, that's when you do it -- and not a moment sooner. They wouldn't be able to get a hold of you like this while you were working a 9-5 job, after all. And if it's an emergency? They can send you a simple text WITHOUT being nasty, or they can go the route of calling someone else to come clean up the mess. You're only one woman who's functioning for two human beings right now. Don't worry about feeling obligated. Write, love, eat, and rest. =)
ReplyDeleteAwh, sounds like you need a day at the spa. I know I could use one if my butt didn't hurt so bad from the progesterone shots.
ReplyDeleteSorry about Sophie.
Remember to take some much needed "me" time for yourself. You are allowed to do something selfish without guilt each and every day just to keep yourself happy.