Dreamers know that which gets measured gets done

We used to be really good at it.  We'd set our goals for the week together.  We'd have a plan in place.  We measured to see how we were doing at achieving said goals.

Ah, but that was in the past.

Maybe I'm just being a bit hard on us.  It could simply be that we have so much on plate right now.


Let's see...

• We have a sail boat to sell
• We have a wedding to plan and organize in 11 days
• We have two teens to organize
• We have all the companies he works for
• We have our own estimates as of late
• We have my blogs...plural and all the social marketing surrounding all of that
• We have a dog, two cats, and a house to maintain
• We have my companies that I work for with the many many many deadlines
• We have the novels I'm working on and trying to finish

And there's more that I don't even want to think about yet.  Suffice it to say...we're busy.

Now, don't get me wrong...we have never been more focused or busier.  We ran an estimate on Saturday and won the job.  Sam has a house to side with his crew.  It will be about a week of work.  It should be finished just before the wedding.  And we have another door and window estimate we're waiting to hear back on.  We are running specials through Angie's List, Facebook, and Kudzu.  We are on top of things.

My blog has never been in such high demand.  I have companies contacting me about advertising all the time.  I have companies offering me money to write about them.  I have all kinds of great partnerships that are leading to more opportunities that are leading to money.  I couldn't be happier.

Still, if we hope to get further ahead, we have to have a plan.  So, as I've been offered opportunities by varying companies to promote their various products, I have been blessed to have a new book cross my path.

It's written by Cameron Herold.  He was one of the driving forces behind 1-800-GOT-JUNK? .  In his book Double Double, he talks about setting three year goals in order to double your business in three years of less.  He offers some handy techniques and while this post is dangerously close to becoming a review, simply know that the book inspired me.

My perfect book right now would be something along the lines of how to manufacture time or work twenty-three hours a day to accomplish all my goals.  Being sleepy and giving in the the call of sleep has been working against me some.


Still, Sam and I will be working on our goals.  We're going to implement some of the strategies recommended in the book.  We're going to press on and get it done.  And because the book encourages us to share the plan with everyone as a way to force us to work on it, I guess I'll be doing that, too.

I guess it's my hope that by doing it, not only will we be moving in the right direction to achieve our goals, but we may be inspiring other dreamers to get working on some of theirs, too.  How's your year shaping up?  Achieved any good goals lately?  Inspire me, too.

Dreamers belive in themselves

I forget that once in a while.  I hope you're sitting.  Ready?  Here goes...

I'm not perfect.

There.  I said it.  I know.  You're shocked.  Who can blame you?  I try to hide it.  I try to cover it up with good things.

All I know is that every once in a while, I forget who I am.  I forget what I can do.  I forget what I've done, what I've survived, what has made me who I am.  I get bogged down in my shortcomings.  I get sidetracked with what I haven't accomplished.

And it's in moments like this that I let fear and doubt creep in and take over.  Ghosts from my past start clanging around in my present.  Next thing you know...we're having problems.

Sometimes, I anticipate the worst.  It was my defense mechanism for my first marriage.  The problem was that I was never wrong.  If I thought that he was up to no good, it's because he was.  If I suspected he was cheating it was because he had.  If I thought that he was blowing money on lap dances, I'd be sure to trip over a huge cash withdrawal from an ATM at a strip club.  Yes, my ex-husband never disappointed me by being a huge disappointment.

There were years of I'm sorry presents...furniture, flowers, trips, and food.  There were years of empty promises.  There were years of my self-esteem being beaten down, my self-image being completely wrecked. 

So it's no wonder that Sam and I struggled for a while.  We both had our demons to deal with.  I'll be dealing with my demon until the kids are 18 and graduated.  (Five years! Woo hoo!)  And Sam has done his best to rid himself of his demons.  Oh, they call and text from time to time, but he doesn't respond.

 As he tried to sooth me over the Bachelor Party, he stood and walked over to me on the screen porch.  He squatted between my legs and caressed my arms.

Sam: Babe, do you have any idea how long it took me to find you?  Do you have any idea how hard it is to find someone like you?  I would never jeopardize that.  I've made my mistakes.  Our relationship has been tested.  We're forever.

I must have glowed then.  I must have.  I'm glowing still.  He cupped my face and kissed me.  And I knew that all was right with our world.  We're good.  Forever.

I'm special.  I'm what he wants and needs.  And nothing is going to change that.

Dreamers push through the past

It's strange.  I read through one of T's posts the other day and it pulled up so may of the same issues I am currently struggling with.

From the moment Sam and I started dating, he had me convinced he was different from my ex-husband.  And I mostly still am convinced even if he has had a few slips.  We all have issues to work through from our past.

And here's mine...rearing its ugly head again.

Tonight is Sam's Bachelor Party.


My ex-husband didn't have a Bachelor Party.  Of course, my ex thought he was a bachelor our entire marriage.  Maybe the  bachelor party is supposed to be for them to accept that their time of dating anyone other than their wife is over.  Maybe that is the true purpose of the bachelor party.

All I know for sure is that I'm struggling to be happy about this particular rite of passage.  And Sam wants me to be happy for him.  He's really excited about the wedding.  And he's really excited about everything that goes along with it.  I've loved his participation and enthusiasm.  I'm trying to love his Bachelor Party.

And you can try to say that I am overreacting because they are merely going to Hooters with the guys for wings and ta-tas, but I'm not.  Not only do I have a long sordid history with that sorry excuse for a restaurant, but I also have a history of Sam and Ed out and alone to cope with.

Last fall, just about this time, Sam went to a Panther Pre-Season game with Lonnie and some of the guys.  I was supposed to hang out with Lindsay and have a Girl's Night, but she was bit by a spider and ended up really sick.  So, instead I had and Nicki and Bishop night.  It wasn't the same, but I was happy.  I ate some sushi.  I watched a bunch of shows.

The night grew later and I grew tenser.  And when he returned...he was wasted.  Oh, and he hadn't seen the bulk of the game.  Ed, who had gone to the game with his wife and daughter, left them to go hang out with Sam.  Guess my man is just that cool.  All I know is dumping your wife and child at a game to go bar hopping with the guy across the street is not cool.  And I was not cool with any of it.

That was my argument against guy time.

Sure, you call this one isolated incident.  It isn't.  There was the night he went to the Panther Pre-Season Football game with a now former friend.  It was guy's night.  I'm beginning to think guy's night is an excuse to be stupid, it is synonymous with Bachelor Party.  So, he ended up going to the game, where they all over drank.  And then they decided to spar.  That's not uncommon.  Oh, but that his former buddy decided to punch him in the mouth was.

Sam's tooth went through his lip.  He needed and refused stitches.  He needed and accepted antibiotics.  He needed and didn't receive pain meds.

Right about now I'm sure you are thinking that maybe it's the football that's the problem.  I doubt that.  I'm thinking alcohol and testosterone.

I'm the voice of reason.  I'm the one who keeps everything balanced and keeps him from doing stupid crazy stuff.  Without me, he just makes bad decisions.

Still, I have to let go.  I have to trust him.  I already had a man that needed me to mommy him.  If I want things to work, I can't marry another man who needs to be mommied.  And I love that he's my partner, not my child.  I love that we support each other.  I love that we're a team.

So, I let go of these incidents and I let go of the fear.  And I let him go and have a good time.  He loves me.  He wants to keep me.  And he won't dare do anything to ruin that.  He really does want to marry me and have forever with me.

I'll love him through it, just like he's loving me through my fears.  That's what we do.

Dreamers see the sunny side

Yesterday was the first day of school.  I was pretty excited.  I actually thought that I would accomplish more with the kids gone to school all day and Sam gone to work.

Silly, Nicki.

It was a dream.  Just a dream.

My day started out right.  I took pictures of Rachel and then Keenan, our first day of school tradition.  Then I went for a walk.  I love my morning walks.  It's so nice out right now.  The mornings have just enough of a cool breeze to keep me from dying.

I made it back to the house in time to spend a little time with the boy before his first day.  He was a little worried about how it was all going to turn out.  He didn't have a schedule yet, but I assured him it would be fine.

Then I went to take a shower.  By the time I was done, Sam was awake.  We played with Bishop.  We joked around.  And everything seemed to indicate it would be a fabulous day.

I was having a massage shortly.  Sam had a job to go to.  And we would have plenty of time to invoice and I could get my writing done.  It was a good plan.

Of course just as I was leaving for the massage, Rachel started sending me SOS texts.  She was in the media center.  She didn't have a schedule.  She didn't know when she would get a schedule.  And she wanted help.

Yeah, that post massage mellow was completely harshed before it had begun.  As soon as I was done, I drove to the school.  It was pretty much the story of my week.  I went to the office and was directed to the media center.

As I walked in, Rachel walked over to meet me.  She told me that no one could believe that I was coming to help her.

me: Why wouldn't I?

Rachel:  It's not that you wouldn't; it's that their parents wouldn't.

In defense of these other parents, I'm sure they work.  They don't have the luxury of working from home to be at their kids' beck and call.  They don't have the time it takes to sit around mired in red tape and the bureaucracy.

Lucky for my kids...I do.

So, we were passed around a lot.  We were walked to the registrar.  And I pretty much was my cranky assertive self.

registrar: We're missing some paperwork from you.

me: No, you're not.  You simply misplaced the paperwork that was given to you.

Sure enough.  Part of Rachel's folder was with the registrar.  Part of Rachel's paperwork was with the counselor.  None of it was where it was supposed to in order for her to be transferred to her old high school.

Rachel was very appreciative.

Rachel: You realize that without your help, I would still be in the library?

me: Yup.

I took her home early.  I made cupcakes.  They are special ones.  I made yellow ones with chocolate fudgy middles and dark chocolate frosting.  I figured all the kids would deserve it after their first day back.

During the course of the day, I took great pleasure in teasing Rachel.  When she was assigned to a bus, I made my first comment.

me: Well, it's a good thing you have a bus to take you to a school where you have no classes.

Rachel: I know.  Right?

And then while I was making the cupcakes I decided to practice channeling my best school year mom.

me: Rachel, have you done your homework?

Rachel: Sure.  I did the homework I wasn't assigned for the classes I don't have.

We make the best of bad situations.  Rachel and Sam bonded over the cupcakes.  I could hear them talking about how great I was, how effective I was dealing with the school, and how yummy the cupcakes are.

I spread joy however I can, no matter how challenging the situation.

Dreamers know perseverance pays off

This will be the ceremony backdrop.  Nice, huh?

I'm going to call it perseverance anyway.  It sounds so much prettier than calling it what it was.

Yeah.  I was the squeaky wheel.

For nearly two weeks I've been calling to try to set a location for our wedding.  We had hoped to marry in the fire circle near the cabin.  The stone arch spoke to Sam.  And I wanted him to be happy.

I keep saying this and I think people are shocked, but it's true.  I'm getting my dream man and my dream marriage.  I'll let him weigh in on his idea of a dream wedding.

After three years, I know what he wants.  I know what he likes.  And he deserved to have it.

So, I suggested the destination wedding.  I suggested the location to be one that was special to us.  And if he wanted us to marry in the fire circle, so be it.

On the other hand...I love the water.  I have always dreamed of marrying outside near the water.  And that's why when we couldn't get the fire circle, I immediately thought of the marina.

There's a lovely covered section there, that is part of the dock.  And Sam wouldn't have to worry about overexposure to the sun.  Gingers have to consider these things.  And those that love gingers would be good to consider it as well.

Also, since it is covered and outdoors, we are good to have the ceremony there no matter what the weather holds.  I wouldn't mind at all if there were thunderstorms.  That would make for some fantastic pictures.

All I know is that I can relax completely.  Clearly, I wasn't too stressed to begin with.  Now...even less.

And all it took was yet another phone call.  This time I called the operator back when I didn't get even the voice mail.  Finally, she located the man I needed to speak with on property.  He offered to call me back unless I wanted to hold.  Oh, and I did.  So, I held.

Once again, the determined bride gets her dream venue.  And this is the best part.  Guess how much it costs me?  No really.  Guess!

I only have to pay $1 for each chair that I need set up.  It doesn't get better or less expensive than this.

Dreamers have a back up plan

For a week and a half, I have been trying to get in touch with the guy in charge of catering and banquets at Fontana Village.  We decided that was where we wanted to hold the wedding nearly a month ago.  And most of the kins are worked out except for this little itty bitty sticking point.

We have no idea where we are going to hold the wedding.  Oh, that.

Our original thought was that we'd hold it at the lovely stone circle with a pretty stone archway.  I had no idea it was a rentable venue.  Oh, but it is.  And someone else has already decided it would be the perfect spot for their nuptials.

I didn't discover this fact through email.  I received a message on my voice mail the one time that the guy actually called me back.  And I think that is one of the main reasons I am taking such offense.

I'm not used to being ignored.  And if he's not ignoring me, it sure does feel that way.  Part of me wants to leave a 'Don't make me come up there' message.  Part of me wants to cancel and go somewhere that I can get someone to work with me.  And the calmer rational part of me thinks that there's plenty of time.  This will all work out.

I know.  That's a lot of parts.  What can I say?  I'm complex.

So this has become a study in patience.  It has become a situation for me to exercise my problem solving skills.  And that's what I'm doing.

We have back up plans.  One of them is bound to work out.  If we can get the location at the marina, maybe we'll incorporate a pebble ceremony into the wedding.  For those of you not familiar, that's where all the friends and family throw pebbles into the water while thinking happy thoughts for us.

If I believe in anything, it's the power of positive thinking.

Just last Labor Day when we were up there, we saw an incredible amount of shooting stars.  And I laid there and wished on every one.  Did I mention that all those wishes are coming true?  The very last one will be on September 10, 2011 when Sam and I finally commit to forever in the most tangible way possible.

I just wish you could all be there...wherever we end up.

Dreamers are hands on

We have been working on planning the ceremony, getting the details together.

It's a lot of work.  Seriously.  There are so many details to keep in mind.  I know why people hire wedding planners.  If you can afford to have someone handle all this, I highly recommend it.

Of course, if you are like me and very hands on, you wouldn't want to hire a planner anyway.  You'd be convinced of your ability to plan a wedding, even in a very short period of time, and you would be completely dissatisfied with the possibility of leaving anything as important as a wedding in someone else's hands.

Yeah.  So, we're doing all the planning.  Ourselves.  And I wanted to make our own cords, but I'm not entirely sure it is cost effective.  And I'm also not sure that I have the time required to make this happen.  See, first I have to locate the materials.  Since I've already take a few rides to different stores and searched the internet for the materials, I'm thinking this isn't as easy as it sounds.  Thus far I have wasted time and gas.  That's before we even get to the time to make something I've never made before.

Despite the fact that I'm a big believer in making things with love, this time, I'm going to have order cords with love.  And the hand making part will be done by a woman who owns an Etsy shop.  I love Etsy!  So, I've been researching my options.  I needed something that Sam would like.  I wanted something that would incorporate Sam's family colors.  And by George, I think I've got it!

If all goes well.  Fingers crossed.  There will be pictures.  I can't wait.

Dreamers are DIYers

The other day, we painted the doors.

It was a project that needed to be done and has been a long time coming.  We installed several new doors about a year and a half ago.  They were on sale and we found enough to make a dent in our door upgrade project.  It's incredibly costly to replace all the doors in a house.  You never realize how many doors you have until you start figuring out the costs to replace them.

So, these doors come primed, but they simply seem to attract dirt.  Strange, because none of us ever actually look dirty.  And that's why they need to be painted.  We go with high gloss white.  It's so easy to clean up and it matches the molding we aspire to next.  Oh, we're big dreamers.

All I know is that we managed to get the exterior garage door, closet door, hall door, bathroom door and back door painted.  Whew.  The fact the air conditioner was once again on the fritz didn't help anything.  I was seriously contemplating climbing in the fridge for a few minutes.  The only reason I didn't, besides fear of death, was that it was going to take too much effort to clear enough space for me.

And because we hate painting, it started off as a team project.  Then Sam told me that I could finish since he had hung them.  It was a valid argument.  Even when I reminded him what a lousy painter I was, he still didn't back down.

Sam: Know how much I hate painting?  I don't even care if you drip on the doors.  I can't paint another door.

Oh, but he caved for me.  I collapsed on the floor at his feet in front of the fan at one point.

me: My hand hurts.  And my wrist hurts.  And I'm hot. And I'm hungry.

Without saying a word, he got up and painted the frame of the bathroom.  I peeked and saw him starting.  Then I laid back down to recuperate.  That was only the halfway point.

Sam: Okay, I painted the frame and the front.  You do the back and the back door.  Then we're done.

These are the ways I know I'm loved.  He helps me out.  All the time.  He cleans more around the house.  He even says the words.

I think that may be our biggest accomplishment of all.  He would never say 'I love you.'  He feared being so vulnerable and exposed.  He had been disappointed before by so many other females.

Then there's me.

I made it safe.  I gave him security.  I love him unconditionally.  It makes all the difference in the world.

So when he leaves for work and I walk over and throw myself in his arms, he is no longer afraid to respond.

me: I love you.  Have a great day, baby.

Sam: I love you back.  You, too.

I'm just going to sit back and revel in all the positive changes for a moment.  Tell me all the good things in your life.  Happiness is meant to be shared.

Meet the anti-zilla

Behold the UFOs...

Oh, and that would be me.

Know what makes me the anti-Bridezilla?

Just this.  For starters.

This is what Sam wants to wear to get married.  And I don't mind.  Oh, sure, when I was younger I would have.

But now I'm older and wiser.

I know that the ceremony should be special for us.  I don't care if no one else likes it.  I don't care if everyone thinks it strange or crazy.  We are marrying for us.  And I care so much less about the ceremony than I do the marriage.

So, the outfit is a nod to his rave days.  And my outfit is a nod to my love of our beach bound future plans coupled with my nod to hos Irish heritage.  We'll be rocking the black and white.

Most importantly of all, however, is that we will be comfortable.  We will be relaxed and happy.  We will be ourselves.

This isn't a show.  We aren't dressing to impress.  We're committing to forever together in our own special unconventional way.  And I'm good with that.

I'm so good with that...it surprises me.  Age and experience have put all of this in perspective for me.  And nothing is going to dampen this experience.  Nothing.

Life is good.

Dreamers stick to the plan

I've faced so many distractions lately.  Still, it's no reason for not being as productive as I should be.  I have so little time to really make this work.  I have to do it.


Still, you know me.  I always feel like I could be doing more, like I should be doing more.  And today is my big chance.  Finally, I'm alone for a few hours.  So I'm snatching that time.  I'm going to use it wisely.  I'm going to write two new articles for Yahoo!.  My plan was to do two a day, every day.  That went well for all of a week, then Yahoo! was so back logged that it looked like it might be a while before they made it through the stack of articles I had backlogged on their server.

Guess I can admit to being a little slack in that department.  Still, I have managed to keep up with my Juice in the City posts.  And I did manage to read and review a novel that I was paid to write about.  Every once in a while I stumble upon a really nice paying easy opportunity.  You want to hire someone to read and write?  I am your girl.

Now, I have to focus.  My time is limited.  It's only a few weeks until the wedding.  It's only a few months until I have to either make more money or find a job to supplement what I'm doing.  Winter is slow for construction.  We can't afford to fall behind on the mortgage ever again.  We can't afford to lose everything we've worked so hard for.

And so I'm sticking with the plan.  I'm even moving a littler further with it.  I can't wait to get revamping on the Rentable Me site.  I'm changing the direction, but I'm still selling my services.  I am a writer.  Social marketing is only part of it.  I need to focus on my strengths.

Have any plans that you want to share, any goals you are pursuing?  I'd love for us to cheer each other on.

Dreamers know planning makes perfect

Yes, I know that real saying is that practice makes perfect.  Ah, but I plan to only marry Sam once so I have to get it right the first time.  Sure, I may convince him to do a vow renewal at ten and twenty-five years, but we're only going to do the actual marriage once.

One time to get it right.

And that begs the question, what will it take to make the day perfect?

We have agreed, without a doubt, that it's all about the people you share the event with.  (Yes, I realize I am saying this even as I'm not inviting my own children.  Long story that makes perfect sense.)  And it's all about being where we are happy.

So, we have our dream location covered.  We have our dream weekend planned.  And we have our dream ceremony selected.

We'll be going with a handfasting.  I found the vows online.  I'm not sure how I survived before the internet.  Really.  I've also found the flutes, vase, votives, and sarongs online.  With some money and some wi-fi, I'll have this thing together in no time.

Ah, but the vows...  I wanted something real.  I wanted something real.  I wanted something honest.  I wanted something that was completely us.  And that's what I found in these vows.

I can't wait to say them.  I can't wait to be Sam's wife.  I can't wait for him to be my husband.  He's so cute.  He already practices.  He calls me his wife.

Still, I figure out how to make this a special day, a special weekend, and ultimately a special life for us.  We're on a great path.  I'm not worried.  It will be perfect for us.

Dreamers cope

And I'm really good at coping.

We have several situations that are keeping us on our toes at the moment.  I say toes, but really, it's something else.  See, the air conditioning is limping along.  The coils seem to have frozen up from the excess use during our heat wave...that's lasted weeks on end.  So, we are lying low.  To not get overwhelmed by the heat.  The house was 80 stifling degrees yesterday.

I don't do well with heat. 

And then there's all of our nearly complete projects.  We have a new door that is helping with the energy efficiency from the great room to the garage.  Oh, but the door that was there, the door that was supposed to replace the original closet door in the foyer.  It still will.  It's just going to take a while.

Sam has to remove part of the jamb.  Then he'll be cutting back sheet rock.  And once that is complete he'll install a new 5/8 piece of wood so that he has something to screw the new door into.  In my experience, these projects never go smoothly.  I can say that with some authority since we've been in a near constant state of remodel since we first started dating three years ago.

No pressure.  Yet.  Only I am a little worried because my mother is coming to stay with is before and after the wedding.  And we both want the place to look good.  We've been talking about what we can do to get it in shape.  What projects can we accomplish to polish our diamond in the rough.

It should be interesting.  It won't be dull.  Our life never is.  And I like it just the way it is.  Although I wouldn't mind if it was a little cooler...

Dreamers work through their fears

I think that's what I marvel about most of the time.

I've been married.  I was married for 16 years before Sam.  Ah, but that marriage was less about teamwork and more about deception and lies, struggling to hold it all together.

So to have someone that I can talk to, share everything with, do things with, is positively magical.  And I mean that in every way. 

I remember when we first became engaged and I rushed to plan a wedding.  Sam had reasons that every idea wouldn't work.  Soon I realized I was planning for a wedding that wouldn't be.  I stopped pushing.  I stopped asking.  I started thinking that maybe this would be good enough.

It was.  And it wasn't.

I have teenagers.  I didn't want them thinking that this pseudocommitment was right.  I wanted to raise a son that would man up and marry the woman he claimed he wanted to spend his life with.  I wanted to raise a daughter who wouldn't be satisfied being a milked cow.  I wanted more children with Sam that wouldn't grow up like Gene Simmon's kids...part of an unmarried family.

This wouldn't work for me.  Not long term.  Oh, but I wanted Sam forever so bad.

Then things changed.  I couldn't accept aspects of our life as it was.  I knew what I wanted.  I knew what I deserved.  I knew what I was worth.  And I refused to settle. 

He fought it.  We fought.  He moved out.  I stayed.  He came back.  We talked.  We went away.  We worked through things.  Promises were made.  Promises he kept.  And I made my share of promises, too. 

That's why we're here.  Over the last few months, he decided we should get wedding rings.  We discussed again the date...09/10/11.  We started wearing our rings.  He referred to me as his wife.  And then he asked me...

Sam: Does it really matter if we marry or not?

I took a deep breath. 

me: It matters.  I know you're afraid, but this is me.  What do you have to fear?

We talked about it.  He learned from his father's marriages.  He learned from watching those around him.  He knew that he could trust me.  He knew that we wanted the same things.  He knew that we were happy together and had a great life. 

Sam has to ease his way into these things.  Ah, but when he comes around, the results are astonishing.  He's warmer and more loving than ever.  He's kind and generous.  He's my best friend, my partner, my support, my cheering section, my biggest fan.

It hasn't always been easy, but I wouldn't trade a moment of our life together.  He's promised me thirty years.  He's convinced that's as long as he'll live.  I'm selfish.  I want more.  Still, with our age difference, I shouldn't be without him for too long.

Dreamers take a hands on approach

Handfasting ceremony

Or maybe just all the dreamers I know do. 

That's why when it comes to planning the wedding, I'm taking on much of the responsibility.  It isn't simply that it is cheaper to do it myself, it's also that there's a sense of pride that comes from knowing I arranged the flowers with love, or poured the candles with love, or even braided the handfasting cords with love and cook for the reception with love.

That's something else about dreamers...it's all about the love.

Sure, there may be times that the money is tight, but there is love in spades.  Spades, I tell you!  And with that much love, I don't worry how the day will turn out.  I don't worry whether everyone will have a fun wedding weekend.  I don't worry if the food will be good.  (Trust me, I know food.)

So, no worried about the love or my ability to make things pretty.  There are a few little concerns that there will be time enough to accomplish everything I'd like to.  I shouldn't worry about that.  I have yet to miss a deadline.  It will all come together.  It will be beautiful.  It will be relaxing.  And there will be loads of updates.  Dreamers can't help but share.

Dreamers are there in a crisis

At least we are. And I can say this with some examples to back up that claim. Take this very moment, for example, as I write this post on Sam's iPhone while he sleeps in the seat beside me.

Oh, did I mention that it is a car seat? Did I also mention that because it's a torrential downpour that the windows are up and that it is easily a balmy eighty degrees in here? Oh, and did mention that the car in question is parked in the ER?

Well, I suppose I took all the fun out of this story since you know neither of us is in jeopardy...really. And then there's Brian. Wish I could say the same about him. Oh,but I can't. I mostly feel sorry for him, but he pretty much was his own worst enemy this time.

Sometimes you just shouldn't poke the bear. Only in this story, the bear is actually Bishop. And the poking...well, it was still poking. That's why we're at the emergency room. And that's why Brian is getting his ear stitched up. And that's why I'm struggling to post from a phone instead of a laptop when I should be asleep.

At least I'm dry. At least it's not a regular occurrence. At least I can get this done for now.

Dreamers offer love and support

Last summer, I spent a few days in California, courtesy of Yahoo!.  While I was there, I had the opportunity to not only network with Yahoo! and all the people working behind the scenes to make Yahoo! so special, but I also met most of the women from the Mother Board.  That was, after all, why I was invited.

It was a lot like summer camp.  You go.  Emotions run high.  You have a lot of fun.  You meet new people, get to link faces and names, and in the end...form lasting bonds.  At least, that's how summer camp always was for me.

So, we all went home and went about our lives.  We still work with the Mother Board.  We still interact with and support each other.  Oh, but every once in a while, something happens that draws us closer than normal.  Right now, we're all coming together to support one of our mothers.  Jennifer lost her husband unexpectedly to a heart attack.  He leaves behind two young daughters as well...ages 3 and 8.

Jennifer writes a food blog.  I remember sitting down to dinner with her our last night in California.  We were dining at Nola's and there's something about sharing a meal with food bloggers.  She and Vanessa Druckman were talking about some of their cooking and their recipes.  I can't participate.  Sam barely eats, so I no longer cook like I once did.  And I remember marveling over their passion for food and the skill with which they threw together meals, desserts, and snacks more sophisticated than my kids ever saw.  I felt pretty slack.

We've all been asking what we can do to help Jennifer and her family.  Well,  her post said it all.  Jennifer put off for too long making the peanut butter pie that her husband wanted.  She's making one for him Friday.  She has shared her incredible recipe and asked that we all make a pie for Mikey and share it with those we love.  And even though I don't cook much, it seems like so little to ask.

So, we know where I'll be Friday...in the kitchen.  And I'll be glad that I have this family to bake for and share with.  I'll be thinking of Jennifer and her family.  I'll treasure the time I have with those I love.

Take a moment to share Jennifer's story, her recipe, and a pie for Mikey with those you love.

Dreamers know when to ask for help

There are plenty of things that I can accomplish all by myself. I can carry such heavy loads that it has earned me the name 'pack mule' around the house. I can run on almost no sleep when needed to complete tasks. I can leap tall buildings with a single bound. Oh, right. That's not me. That's Superman. I can just clean tall buildings in a single day. If I have to. Because someone was paying me. Or holding a gun to my head.

Still, there are other times that I need a bit of assistance. I know my limitations when it comes to computers, no matter what Klout has to say about it. I prefer to have help maintaining the house because...I have better things to do with my time.

And then there's moments like this.

See, we're working on getting a grant that will help the business grow. You know the beauty of grants, right? You don't have to pay them back. Free money! Yay!

Well, this grant is being offered by Intuit, the makers of my beloved Quickbooks program, one of a few programs I couldn't live without. And I promised Sam I would do everything I could, call in all the favors, work my social media connections, and beg for votes.

You can't see it, but I'm on my knees right now. My hands are folded under my chin. And I'm sharing my best pleading face. Okay, the face could use some work...

Anyway, the voting is simple. It' just something I can't do all by myself. The most I can do is try to wrangle other votes. So, I'm wrangling!

To help us get the grant by text or online...

• Send a text to 244326. In the message write 'carolinahome' and wait for the response. You'll get a text back that asks for your name. A first name is fine. And a second text will ask why you like us. It can be brief.
  
• Click on this link: Love a Local Business. It will bring you to a website where they ask for you to complete three simple steps in order to vote: Name, email, and comment.

Any help you can give will be greatly appreciated. This grant will be awarded in October. The contest ends in September. Everyone can vote once a month. Yeah, I'll be bothering you to vote once again. Many thanks in advance.

Dreamers make new discoveries

Well, we spent a lovely night and morning in Charleston over the weekend. It was the longest ride there by far. I'm talking it took us two extra hours. And I thought my bladder was going to explode. So, I wasn't in the best of moods as we pulled in to the marina...not cranky and miserable so much as withdrawn...quiet.

Sam: You're no fun. I'm trying to play with you.

me: I have to pee!

The minute I put the car in park, I all but ran to the bathroom. He went to get a cart. And by the time we converged on the SUV again, I was skipping. Literally.

Sam: You are in a better mood.

me: Yup. I peed.

We found our boat. We made some friends. And we went to dinner. I love dinner. It's one of my favorite meals of the day, ranks right up there with breakfast, lunch, brunch, and linner. I should have been a Hobbit. Other than the hairy feet...I probably am already there.

Lunch had been disappointing. We usually go to Zaxby's. I had my heart set on a Chicken Club combo. I had discovered it on the road trip back from Charleston 4th of July weekend. Sam slept through that stop, but that's okay. He woke a bit disappointed and confused.

Sam: Did we go to Zaxby's?

me: Yes.

Sam: Did I eat?

me: No, but you paid. Thanks for lunch, by the way.

Sam: Glad you enjoyed it.

I get away with a lot because I'm cute. It's good.

Needless to say, our lunch at McDonald's was less than satisfying. We picked that exit because it was already going on three and we hadn't eaten yet that day. I could have been dead by the time we reached Zaxby's. And this exit promised a Cookout, which had me dreaming of pork and coleslaw. I love me some bbq. Oh, and then once we committed to the exit, we saw the fine print on the sign. Five miles away was the Cookout. Even I didn't want to travel that far off course, pork or no.

So, by 8pm, I was starving for dinner. I was being a team player and willing to negotiate with Sam, even though meals are my thing. I offered up Taco Bell and was denied. He wanted Popeye's and I wasn't feeling it. Two mediocre meals in a row. *sigh*

Well, we were driving when he saw a Mexican restaurant: Senor Tequila's.

Sam: Want to try it?

me: Mexican food and the promise of margaritas? Hell, yeah!

It was a hole that blinds people with the neon lights and comforts us with Applebees decor. Sam was not impressed.

Sam: We should have gone to Popeye's. See what I do to make you happy? See what I give up?

He was frustrated. He couldn't get chicken fingers and fries like he wanted. Instead, it was tacos.

Sam: We just had tacos last night.

me: No we had lasagna last night. We had tacos the night before.

I didn't care. Lately, I could eat tacos every day. Artists have their phases where they experiment, mine right now...Mexican food.

In the end, it ended up being a lovely surprise. I had the best quesadilla rojas EVER. And Sam consumed three soft tacos.

Sam: Did you see the meat in them? I must have eaten a pound and a half of ground beef! Well, I can't complain about the portions.

He really couldn't complain at all. Senor Tequila, we shall return.

Dreamers attract other dreamers

Or it could just be that the boat is quite the conversation piece.

Yes, we're friendly. We will talk to anyone that talks to us. Okay, and we talk to lot so people who don't. I guess we can't help ourselves. I just like pulling others into our happiness.

All I know is that we were working on the boat soon after we arrived Saturday and people began talking to us. And the thing about boat people is that they are very helpful. Soon, we made some friends. Our little boat is still on day dock. A couple of other day dockers invited us over for drinks after dinner.

So we went.

I have to admit I was really super excited to hang out with Jon and Renne for a couple of reasons...first, they are living my dream. They have a 42 foot sailboat that they have been living on and traveling with for two and a half years. And second, they are bloggers!

I love meeting bloggers. We all know that I have maintained a long friendship with Pippi, my first in real life blog buddy. We still get our toes done and catch up as often as possible. Now, I can also claim Jon and Renne.

They are newbies, so I'd love it if you could give them a little blog love. Renne is published on Kindle, just like me. She wrote a romance/suspense/mystery novel. She even painted the cover. (I wish I could be more artistic...) She started a blog about a month ago: Sailady Passages. And her husband Jon blogs about their sailing adventures on the S.V. Jonne. They named their boat after their names. Cool, huh?

So, we hung out on their beautifully refurbished boat. They did the bulk of the work themselves. And I taught them a little about blogging. I encouraged them to dive into Twitter and use labels and incorporate lots of pictures. I love sharing my knowledge with such promising writers.

Stop by and visit them. Encourage them on their travels. And follow along with some fellow dreamers as they make all their dreams come true.

A mighty storm

Yes, Tropical Storm Emily is causing us to travel to Charleston in the morning to batten down the hatches. It used to just be an expression, but now that we have a boat and it has hatches, the expression makes a lot more sense. So, it's off to the marina we go.

Sam is not looking forward to it. Me, however, I most certainly am. And this is why...

How many times are we going to get to ride out a tropical storm on a boat? I think it sounds super cool. And I can't wait to sleep while the boat is tossed about. If there's thunder and lightening...all the better. If I were on the boat alone...completely different story. Sharing the experience with Sam...awesome.

I'm not sure if I can think of a more romantic adventure for our first weekend alone in forever. Okay, it's only been a few months, but it still seems like forever. I cherish our alone time. And we don't have so much of it anymore.

Nope. There are people around all the time. Mostly, I don't mind. Ah, but there are times that I just want him all to myself. I'm selfish like that.

So, it's a good thing we were alone for a few hours the other day. That's the beauty of me working from home. I can do it whenever. I try to do it during the day, but it doesn't always work out that way.

The other day, Sam was home for a bit working. He finished sealing the grout in the bathroom. That's when I heard it. He was filling the tub.

Sam: The kids are gone for a while, right?

me: Yup. Everyone's working.

He smiled.

Sam: Let's christen the tub while they're gone.

So we did. We hung out in the bathtub with the whirlpool going. We snuggled some and joked a lot. It was fun. And he shows me more and more his romantic side.

Sam: Too bad you don't have one of those bath balls like we did at the beach.

Our first trip, I knew that we had a whirlpool tub in the room, so I picked up a fizzing magical bath ball. It left some petals floating in the water. It let off this inviting aroma. And it made my skin feel so soft and special. Obviously, he liked it. There's talk of us getting another one for the next time we're alone. Whenever that rare moment occurs.

The good thing is that because of it, we cherish the moments more than ever. And I'm glad a mighty storm has us running off to a place I love to protect a boat that was our dream. We'll have fun. We'll make the most of our alone time. And we'll come back with some memories.

Dreamers make positive changes

I think I may finally almost have a schedule and routine down. It's just in the nick of time, too. School will be starting again in a few weeks. The kids will be back here full time too soon. And that will throw things right off course.

Still, I really am feeling inspired. I know inspiration for me has a way of coming and going, but I'm comfortable with that. Just as my sign is ruled by the moon, so do the tides within me ebb and flow. I've learned to work with it. And to accept that it all works out if I just keep pressing on.

So, I'm going to harness that inspiration. I'm going to ride it for all it's worth and take Sam's advice. Actually, Jolene inspired me some, too. She told me that I need to tell our story. I need to be honest and open. And that's what I'm going to do. While Sam is comfortable, I'll take advantage.

We have a story that people can definitely learn from. We have a story that is meant to be shared. I've been doing it for so long in bits and pieces. I have been gentle and edited. I have been respectful and left out details. And now I need to be open and lay it all out there...mostly. There are always things that are meant to be kept just between the two people in the relationship. I think it's healthier that way.

Hate to burst your bubble, but there won't be any detailed sex scenes. And other intimate moments will be edited still. At the same time, I'll be more revealing than normal...the good, the bad, the ugly. You'll see our dynamics and what makes us work. (It's mostly me. A little him. But I'm so very understanding that it's me...)

With the exercising I've been doing as of late, the getting up early and getting focused, the words are flowing. It's not just that. The bathroom is done. And things are our version of normal once more. That helps me function all the better.

Dreamers are problem solvers

We haven't mentioned the boat in a while. There was the de-masting that happened over Fourth of July Weekend, kind of putting a dark cloud over an otherwise perfect weekend. And I talked about how it was all under control, how I knew what we were going to do to get it fixed, yada yada yada.

Well, since then, I spent a week trying to get the boat towed. The wife and owner sent me an email on Tuesday, July 5th, asking me to fill out what I wanted done and they would tow the boat to their shop to look at it and give me an estimate.

Now, I'm not sure where you're from, but generally speaking, estimates are free. And if it's not free, that's usually mentioned from the start. And while it may seem like absorbing the estimate cost into the repair cost is this gift all wrapped up with a bow, it's not. It's ransom.

So, I dutifully filled out the paperwork and sent it back. Then I waited. Two days passed, no call. That's why I called them on Friday. And I was told that the wife/owner was at lunch. I called again in the afternoon, but no one answered.

I called back Monday morning and found out that the boat still hadn't even been towed. Really? And that was because I hadn't written that they were supposed to tow it on the work order.

me: It didn't say to write it on the work order. You said in the email I had to fill out what needed to be done to the boat and then you would tow it. Nowhere did it say I had to write it on the work order. It was implied. It was obvious. It was already stated.

More paperwork. More emails. Growing frustration.

So, the boat was towed Tuesday. And I had already lost a week. I waited and started calling a few days later. Sometimes I called twice a day. It didn't matter. Either the person I needed to speak with was out or at lunch. It didn't matter...11am or 2pm. I was justifiably frustrated.

There was a light at the end of the tunnel when I finally spoke to the woman I needed to on Monday, after the boat had been there just shy of a week. She told me she'd have an estimate for me in the afternoon. She was just waiting on the technician to itemize everything for her.

I waited and I waited. Finally, I called that Thursday after the boat had been there for a week and a half, and was told that there was a family emergency and the woman I needed to speak with was not going to return until Tuesday. Would that be okay?

me: No. But what are my options? She was going to have an estimate ready for me days ago. Can you give it to me?

Ah, but the woman I spoke with didn't have access to her computer. It didn't matter if I was okay or not.

Well, the estimate finally arrived on the 26th. And it was so steep that I thought about selling my kidney on the black market. It was actually going to cost more to repair the boat than it did to purchase it in the first place. So, I did what anyone who had been waiting for an estimate for three weeks only to discover that the cost was outrageous compared to the quality of the service, care and attention I had received. I blew a gasket and called the man who finally sent the estimate. The woman had never returned.

I'm thinking the family issue could be divorce, since I was told she was no longer with the company. And I wonder how they could even still have a company, given that it's being run into the ground. And I told Sam that if this home remodeling thing didn't work out, we could make a fortune working on boats.

Sam tried to call and talk to them on Monday about the price. That may be why I received...no, not a call from them, you sillies! These people don't call back. Duh. I received a call from the dock master. Matt wanted us to know that a tropical storm is descending upon Charleston, possibly, and that the boat is back at the day dock, unprotected.

That would be why I called and reamed these people out again. I received in return, no explanation, and an empty promise of a return call by 12:30. So, I called back at 12:45pm.

By then, I had found someone else to look at the boat who came highly recommended by Matt. He's going to look at the boat tomorrow. And with any luck, it will be repaired by the time the storm makes shore.

Oh, and if you live in the Charleston area and want to know where you should and shouldn't get work done, contact me. I'll tell you where to steer clear.

Dreamers kick back and relax

We have a new schedule now that I'm not working outside of the home. Weeks and weekends, what day it is...mostly means nothing. We work when we have work to do. We relax when we don't.

The last few nights have been punctuated by quality time and family time and thunderstorms. And I love all three of those things. Most of all, I love the people I'm sharing my life with.

Rachel has brought a new addition to our home...in the form of Austin. He's nice and polite and helpful. He appreciates everything we do for him. And I didn't even have to get stretchmarks. Very nice.

It seems like we have so much fun lately, despite the stress of the remodel. We laugh a lot. There's always a reason. Most recently, the pets have been particularly entertaining.

We have had issues in the past with Ninja running out the door and hiding out in the yard. The last incident that had Rachel, Austin, me and Sam out in the yard close to midnight trying to recover her. The very next day, Rachel brought home a harness and a leash and decided to leash train the cat. Ninja has been walking around for days wearing a harness and leash. It has created a lot of hilarity.

Sophie, for example, chases after the leash like Ninja is taunting her with a string. And Sam tied Ninja to Bishop the other morning so that Bishop could try to walk her. I'm not sure who was more miserable, Bishop or Ninja. The rest of us were doubled over laughing.

So we have achieved a comfortable routine of working by day and playing at night. We know how to relax. We share food with friends and neighbors. We share laughter and stories. We make memories. And I'm constantly relaxed and happy. Not a bad way to live.

Dreamers bask in their achievements

That's what we did last night.

We sat in the new tub and talked about how great the room looks. We've worked really hard on it. We spent a lot of money on it. And it's completely worth it.

There is nothing that we looked at last night and wished we had done differently. And that feels so good.

Sometimes it's completely worth it to spend the money and have no regrets. Had we done it differently, we would have. We'd have spent the next ten years wishing we had done things differently.

So while we sat and basked in the beauty of the new room, of another project completed, an item checked off our ridiculously long remodel list, we already began planning our bathroom. We want it pretty much the same.

Instead of returning the left over tiles, we're actually going to work on purchasing more tiles bit by bit. We'll gather what we need to make ours incredible, too. I'm pretty sure we'll be gathering all the necessary supplies that way.

There's talk of a tub for our bathroom. And a separate shower. And a double vanity sink. Two sinks! How positively decadent!

I'm glowing from all the little things right now. Of course some of these little things are pretty big. We finally have a functioning front door. We have two working toilets. In a few days the grout will be sealed and we'll have two fully functioning bathrooms for the first time in years.

We're practically royalty.

Then we talked about winning the lottery. Of course we rarely play, so that will never happen. Ah, but we love to dream. See, when we finish one room, it makes us want to finish the entire house. Hence the need for large sums of money.

Or maybe some reality show would like to pay for our remodel and send a film crew to capture the hilarity that ensues and the tensions that mount. That could be...interesting. There's never a dull moment here.

Take last night. Sam sent me to get the new handle for the toilet he was assembling in the garage. I found it in the bathroom, along with a puddle. The sink was leaking because the plumbing wasn't hooked up yet. So, I skidded as I ran to get him. And then when he saw the mess, he stood in the bathroom and yelled for me to get various items.

Sam: Towel. Bucket. Towel. Bucket. Towel. Bucket.

And he kept repeating what he needed as I ran around like a crazy woman collecting them. Before I could finish, I had cracked my heel on a hammer lying in the middle of the hall and was hopping around in pain while he swabbed up the floor.

Good times.

And it will be a good long time before we do this again. Unless...