I have to let Sam do everything. Sure, on the one hand it sounds great in theory. You may picture it as me being Cleopatra, waited on hand and foot, being fed grapes by some hot stud. (Sam is very attractive.)
Ah, but reality isn't exactly like that. Nope. See, because that would mean asking to be taken care of.
I'm the nurturer. I'm the caregiver. I'm the one who does for him.
When he was in the hospital last January, I was the one picking up the nurses' slack, running to refill his water, getting him food, fluffing his pillow, all that and more. He didn't have to ask. I mostly knew what he wanted and I offered before it could feel like an imposition. That's what I do.
In my experience, guys aren't built that way.
Sure, Sam will get up and offer to get me something while he's up. He will make and share his ginormous glasses of chocolate milk. That's pretty special. And last night, there was a bath. I waited for the water to cool drastically before I got in. And I didn't stay in long, but since my hips have been killing me, I thought he was on track, it really might help.
These things we have down. And he is great at keeping the dishwasher loaded, cleaning some. It's not the same. It's all the little detail things I take care of regularly that no one ever thinks about. I don't want to have to ask him to water all the plants. I don't want to ask him, but I'm going to have to unless I decide I'm suddenly comfortable going commando, that we need to do a load of laundry. There are so many little things I see piling up. And I have to let it all go.
Bed rest is a humbling experience. It's also a learning experience. It lets you know if you made the right choice in bed partners.
This time, I did. He sticks around. Sure, there are moments that he will visit with a neighbor across the road, or people will come over and they'll hang out and shoot at targets in the back yard. He runs our errands. When he had work, he goes.
At the same time, he's here. He's present. He's with me. He understands how this bothers me, laying around on my left side all day. He doesn't abandon me. He talks me down when I get worried.
We've realized a few things about our relationship lately. It's nice having someone who is enough. We can travel just the two of us and not be bored. We can be home just the two of us and not need others, but it is nice to have the monotony broken. We have this teamwork thing down. And we have a connection that is only more and more evident.
Sam: This is one of the many things I love about you, why we're together. No one can hold a twig to you.
me: You mean because you can say something completely random and I know exactly what you're talking about?
Sam: Yeah. Stuff like that. You know me. You get me like no one else does.
I do. And everyone needs that. So while there are things I'm learning to let go, we're both learning there are things to hang on to...each other.
I think you are pretty lucky in your choice of men. I'm rather jealous. J would never think of doing such things for me but would expect me to do them for him though if he were on bed rest.
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