Dreamers talk it out

I had somehow forgotten how seriously Sam takes all of our talks.  It's not that he says so much in the moment.  It's that he ruminates on what we discuss.  He truly takes it to heart.

Then it all comes out.

Over the years, I have done more to change him by recounting stories than I could ever hope to from nagging.  And he still likes me.  I've learned to be very cautious in my disclosures, what I say and how I say it.

Guess that's why it took me so long to tell him what the test results meant yesterday.  I didn't want to make him worry.  At the same time, he needed to know.

So, I broke down and told him when he looked relaxed and ready to cope with the bomb I was dropping.  I stood back and slowly explained everything, answered all his questions.  And waited for him to wrap his mind around it, understand everything.

It's hard for Sam to accept that there is nothing that can be done, really.  It's hard for him to accept that there is no medication for this, no treatment, no prevention.

me: The only cure is for me not to be pregnant anymore.

And I thought we were good.  I thought he understood...until we talked in the morning.

Sam: So I had this dream last night...

Here we go.

Apparently, in his dream I swelled up like the girl who turned into a blueberry in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  He had to wheel me around until I gave birth.

Sam: I'm thinking about you, baby.

I know he is.  And I love that.  I love him.

Somehow we'll work through all his fears.  We'll make it through the rest of the pregnancy.  It will all turn out just fine.  He's mentally preparing in his own crazy way.