Dreamers try to keep a chin up

 The phone call that I was waiting for from the doctor's office about my latest test results have come back.  And pardon this meandering post.  I'm trying to work through a few things right now.

See, on the one hand, this is the best pregnancy I've had to date.  And part of that I credit with Sam taking such good care of me.  Part of it I credit with how well I take care of myself.  The rest I credit with being able to work from home, which is far less stress than I was under for the other pregnancies.

That's enough parts.

When we found out we were having a girl, I was pleased and amazed.  I mean, it seemed like I was doing too well compared to any other girl pregnancies I had ever had.  I wasn't sick at all.  I was used to having all day sickness and being completely miserable.  Not this time.  Other than the occasional headache and the periodic discovery that some foods simply did not agree with me, I was doing great.  No nausea.  No vomiting.  No debilitating epigastric pain.  Practically perfect.

About the test results.  They showed elevated fetal protein levels.  At first I worried about Down's syndrome, but they assured me that my risk for that was still 1 in 7000 and there had been no physical indications of problems on the ultrasounds.  The elevated levels sometimes mean a problem with spina bifida, but again, there were no indications on the ultrasound, so that left one thing.

I am working on pre-eclampsia again.

Sam: What does that mean?

I did my best to explain it to him.  It wasn't easy.  I never like worrying him.

me: Well, the shots are to keep the baby in, so I don't go into premature labor.  With pre-eclampsia, we have to find a balance.  When I get this, the only cure is for me to have the baby so that the disease doesn't progress to the final stage.

Sam: What's the final stage?

me: Oh, that would be seizures, coma, death.

Sam: You've had the seizures before. 

me: I know.  See this disease is complicated by the fact that when it gets severe, the blood stops clotting.  I couldn't have an emergency c-section because I would have bled out.  I had to be induced. 

Sam: If it comes down to a choice between you and the baby, it's you.  It's always you.  You know?  And I'll watch you really closely.  What can we do?

The problem is that there is nothing that can be done.  This will progress.  It won't matter what I do.  I can watch my salt.  I can try to relax.  I can lay around as much as possible whenever necessary.  That can help some, but really...it's out of our hands.  The best we can do is be vigilant and aware.

I've been saying it the entire pregnancy...I don't want to end up hospitalized or on bedrest.  I don't want to give birth dangerously early.

So what's the plan?

Now I have to keep going to the high risk pregnancy doctor the rest of the pregnancy along with my regular OB/GYN.  I will continue to have shots.  My cervix will be measured repeatedly.  We will prepare for a circlage, if necessary.  My blood pressure will be taken very seriously.  We'll watch for all the signs, every headache, every bit of fluid, any indications of swelling.  And I will be having a premature baby.  How premature is still up in the air.  I had been guessing March all along.  The doctor had said 37 weeks, which meant the first week of April.  We'll see.

There are some good parts.  And you know me, I have to focus on that.  For one, I am getting better care in every way than I ever have before.  Between Sam and the two OB/GYNs. I should be great.  And girl preemies do better.  Studies have shown.  Research has proven.  Kenna should be just fine.