Sometimes dreamers just have to vent

I love my husband.  No one would ever doubt that.  Everyone he knows, everyone he meets, just about everyone he interacts with tells him I love him.  I guess I just exude how I feel.  That's who I am.  And while it gives him the roots and wings he needs in our relationship, there are still moments where he just ticks me off.

Take the last few nights.

Right now...sleep is at a premium.  I need to get all I can while I can because before you know it, it will be a whole lot of sleeplessness going on.  I will be up doing feedings.  I will be doing tons of baby care and there will be a struggle to balance it all with working from home.  I look forward to it.  You know how I love a challenge.  And babies are the best kind of challenge I know.

So, Sam hasn't been sleeping.  He gets all worked up about life and all worried and then he can't turn his mind off.  He will nap, here and there, but then he can't get back to sleep.  And the little co-dependent that I am, I can't sleep without him there.  I fall asleep on the couch some nights while we snuggle and watch television.  I fall asleep happily in bed and rest, truly rest, with him there.  We touch constantly, so his absence is felt acutely.  And lately, I have been roused from my sleep because he's gone.  He'll be in the living room watching television at 3am or on the computer hoping to find work.  And I'll be awake, nearly bereft due to his insomnia.

It's caused some issues.

I snapped on him.  I even raised my voice about his stupid zoo game on his phone and how he can't sleep because he plays it non-stop and that he would sleep if he weren't distracted by the television and that he really just sucks for leaving me in bed while he hangs out in the living room.  Or something like that.

It didn't help.

He didn't get more sleep.  He did, however, work really hard to make it all up to me.  He knows I'm tired.  He knows I'm cranky.  And he's doing his best to make me happy.

I see it.  I know.

And so while I made breakfast, I discovered that he had already taken out the garbage, sprayed the can, and inserted a new bag.  These are all critical steps.  It matters.

And during breakfast, he snuggled me on the couch and watched a show with me and Keenan that he's never had any interest in.  Here's my plug for Once Upon A Time.  Check it out!

And before he left for the day, we set up the train set under the tree and played with Bishop.  He hugged me an extra long time and said sweet sweet things to tide me over until his return.

Ah, but best of all, when I went to go take my shower, I discovered that he had already made the bed, my way, not his.  (I take the time to fold down the blanket and fluff the pillows, he merely pulls it up any old way and leaves the pillows a mess.  I'm such a girl.)

So, I was mad.  I'm not any more.  How could I be?  And I know that my being upset is unreasonable.  It all comes down to...yes, the need for sleep, but also the need for the TLC.  He comforts me.  He's home to me.  And I treasure our sleepy time together.  It was just last night that I about crawled into him and reminded him that everything was going to change in a few months.  It's going to go fast.  It always does.

Time.

That's why I try not to waste it being angry.  And that's why he tries to keep me happy.  Thankfully, I'm not so stubborn that I don't see there are other ways he gives me the TLC I crave.  I am blessed.  Sleep will come.